Following his recent public appearances on the well documented series "the apprentice", Sir Alan " look sunshine, grew up in the East End didn't I" Sugar, was playing down today the confirmation, that he has FIRED the current prime minister of the UK The Rt.Hon Tony Blair MP.
It appears that he couldn't find a parking space in central London, so decided to park his Rolls Royce on the kerb outside No.10 Downing St, and pop in to "see how things were going".
Apparently dismayed at the state of the house and the overall miss-management he found, he fired the PM on the spot, and was heard shortly afterwards in the street shouting "and take that woman and those kids with you ‘n' all!"
It now is widely accepted that the "boy done good" will take office next week contrary to popular belief that either Gordon Brown the current Chancellor of the Exchequer or indeed Johnny "Two Jags Prescott" may be in the running for the top job. When questioned over the fact that he has not actually been elected either by the ruling Labour party or the people as a whole Sir Alan replied simply to a surprised journalist, "elected schmekted - get out……… you're fired!"
Shortly before, Sir Alan, (as he likes to be known these days) was reputed to have said to Prescott - "look sunshine, I've got more Jags than you've had pies, and believe me, from where I'm sitting that's got to be a lot!"
After that rather swift rebuttal, Mr.Prescott was seen leaving in both of his Jaguar's to Sir Alan's private retreat in the picturesque village of Amstrad, Essex. - Situated close to what is known as the golden triangle or more correctly the golden rivet, leaving Gordon Brown to make his way home to Scotland on a tricycle complete with fluorescent bib.
Later, Sir Alan when interviewed after Prescott's exit was quoted as saying "I don't want a deputy, I wanna apprentice dunn I, + there were never any pies left in the canteen - I don't need that, I'm a busy man!" If I needed someone to eat pies I'd hire one……..".
Shortly after these amazing events, the leader of the opposition the Rt Hon. David Cameron M.P. held a hastily arranged press conference.
Mr Cameron who was clearly red faced and out of breath, stated simply "Sir Alan called me today, and told me that I was fired!" - I tried to explain to him that he had no right to do so - but he wasn't taking no for an answer - so I'll be leaving tonight……sorry".
It is expected that Sir Alan will soon announce a major cabinet re-shuffle involving his family……daughter Demerara (34), and both sons, Tate (30) and Lyle (31). Both Tate&Lyle denied being given a "silver spoon" by their father.
Despite Sir Alan's surprise hostile takeover, it appears not to have stopped him making immediate plans for the future. These include; all government agencies making use of Sir Alan's technological know -how.
It is reputed that all agencies will make use of the very latest in Amstrad technology, including MI5, MI6 and the SAS the technology for which all of which will be "made in China to further relationships".
When questioned on this issue, and it's possible affect on UK national security, Sir Alan stated "When I've done a deal, I've done a deal, "alright" and if they don't live up to my expectations I'll send the boys round to all the caff's on the Mile End road so they know not to mess".
At this point the Sir Alan terminated the press conference as the new contractors for the houses of parliament canteen had arrived in a jellied eel van outside No.10.