Oil company British Petroleum, whose corporate reputation has suffered since the environmentally devastating 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil spill, recently announced the launch of a groundbreaking new product: the global cooling machine or "GCM," designe...
This Earth Day, British Petroleum took the opportunity to celebrate the oil company's significant environmental progress. "We feel good about all BP has done to effect positive change," announced Group Chief Executive Bob Dudley. "Of the climate vari...
Sochi, Black Sea - It's spooky how not even the sight of red-hot tennis ace Maria Sharapova's perky 32-DD tits nor Vladimir Putin girlfriend Alina Kabaeva's slinky ass could fire up one of five illuminated Olympic Rings at the Winter Olympic Games op...
The president of Kazakhstan, Nursultan Nazasomething, a name that no one has a clue how to pronounce, more or less spell; has announced that they have hired British Petroleum (BP) to drill in the Caspian Sea, just off the coast of Kazakhstan, to crea...
A distant planet that orbits a red dwarf star has revealed evidence so startling it has resulted in fashion and television personality Gok Wan and R 'n' B singer Chris Brown being hauled off to an underground prison. Government officials from both Br...
British Petroleum (BP) announced today that their geologic survey team discovered a vast pool of snake oil lying beneath the Washington, DC area, enough they say to take care of America's energy appetite for the next 80 years or so. This snake oil...
Reports are coming out of Washington DC that Mr Tony Haywood the disgraced ex BP supremo has been appointed the US special envoy forthwith in Tripoli. Obama said "he is the man for the job and has excellent experience in dealing with angry protest...
New Orleans - (Crude Business): Last month the Field of Dreams actor was dragged in to a sleazy Brit peer-smear tart's Sunday Smoke 'N' Mirrors sex rant. This week Kevin Costner faces The Usual Suspects star Stephen Baldwin in the New Orleans fede...
Washington - BP is happy that US citizens are happy with their new ads showing that they are helping people deal with the large oil spill they created. "I was worried that people would stop buying our main product, oil." CEO Robert Dudley with a...
BP announced today that this spring they will be sponsoring a new sport. They call it "Well Capping." Officials from the companies marketing department claim that this is a twenty first century sport. "All the fun of water polo, mixed with all the da...
A representative from BP held a press conference today and announced that a new study commissioned last month indicates that the oil spill resulting from the deep-water horizon disaster may have a long-term positive impact on the environment. "Th...
Following the Deepwater Oil spill a British Petroleum executive made worldwide headlines when he commented that he just wanted to get his life back We tracked him down to see how he is getting on "I had a terrible time in the colonies, all tho...
BP announced a study today that the oil spill into the Gulf of Mexico, was actually Dark Chocolate, not crude oil. Today as retiring CEO Tony Hayward spoke to a Parliament committee concerned about the North Sea. "There is absolutely, no reason to...
It was an illustrious crowd today as the management team of BP took the stage to receive the World Cup Punt, Pass, and Kick annual award. David Beckham returned to the UK for the occasion and presented the cup on behalf of the Queen to Tony Hayward.
Gulf of Mexico - (UpStream Mess): Cruise met delays on Saturday during a delay to hoisting the 10-ton blowhard preventer that failed to avert disaster headlines from spewing out of the Gulf of Mexico. Orders from on high not to damage or drop a v...
The press corps was shocked yesterday when the CEO of BP Oil appeared at the lectern. He was dressed in torn and shabby clothes. His wife was with him in a dirty and frayed cotton house dress. His children looked straight out of Charles Dickens.
NEW ORLEANS, LA - BP and federal officials claim that this latest effort could, maybe, quite possibly have some chance of working and that this isn't yet definitely, totally the end to civilization and all life on Earth. Hopes were slightly lowered...
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