Aldi & Lidl offering Covid-19 vaccines at discounter prices!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 18 February 2021

image for Aldi & Lidl offering Covid-19 vaccines at discounter prices!
No-Name, Covid-19 cut-price vaccinations now available at giant German discounter supermarkets!

(NOT EDITED) German giant supermarket discounters have discovered a medical loophole to increase their popularity even more!

Personnel joining their teams of slave-driven shelf-fillers, and non-smiling cashiers, are being given 'jab courses'! Punters entering their stores are offered a quick Covid-19 jab at discount prices, and there are no invitations necessary.

Porta-Cabins have been erected where recycled bottle machines once stood. They have been moved outside so the German giants can make even more money.

Punters who pay a £5,00 charge are whipped into the cabins, after dumping their empty plastic bottles outside, given a quick jab, and then ushered into the supermarket where they can continue their shop!

Aldi and Lidl are hoping to jab at least 5000 punters every day of all ages because they do not give a crap about who gets a jab first, as long as they pay, and OAP's in nursing homes do not shop in their markets anyway!

The EU and GB are at last in solidarity over this latest discounter initiative! They are flogging vaccines at £1,50 a shot to the German giants. Meaning a win-win scenario because Aldi and Lidl earn £3,50 a jab, and expensive vaccine centres are no longer necessary!

However, there is one slight 'spanner in the works'! Due to lack of space, and the removal of bottle crunching machines in the supermarkets, a huge mountain of plastic bottles is building up. However, BOJO and Frau von der Leyen have a perfect solution up their crafty sleeves!

All non-recycled Aldi and Lidl plastic bottles are being shipped to the Sahara Desert where gangs of African refugees, captured by Libyan terrorist groups on their way to Europe, are working for £0,10 pence an hour burying them in the sand! Hence, killing two irritating birds with one foul swoop! Again, a win-win scenario supported by BOJO, Frau von der Leyen, Aldi, and Lidl, in a post-Brexit-mega-EU/GB-trade deal!

Rat-Pack leader, Nigel Farage, will oversee the 'Desert Rat' operation earning £250K a year. He will reside in a 6* star luxury container, fully airconditioned, Made in Germany, plus a private French jet to fly in bucket loads of his favourite dish, fresh Italian pasta!

Every dark Covid-19 cloud has a silver lining!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more