Home Depot's board has decided to pay chairman and CEO Robert L. Nardelli $210 million to stay at home and relax. The board determined that Mr. Nardelli could best serve the interests of shareholders by napping on the couch and watching TV. The board released a statement praising him for "brilliant channel surfing strategies" and raised high expectations for "creative beer and munchy synthesis".
Despite the poor performance of Home Depot stock during his six-year tenure, Mr. Nardelli has repeatedly been able to convince the board to pay him millions in bonuses. As he said in a recent interview, "My motivation does jump a notch when you hand me a couple million bucks." He often said he was "too busy making money" to worry about the fact that the company's market value had actually dropped 40% during his tenure.
Mr. Nardelli introduced a number of startling innovations including "Thank the CEO Day" where all 355,000 Home Depot employees were required to hand over a day's wages to him. The program was such a huge success that many other CEOs are considering similar initiatives.
Despite his lack of retail experience and total ignorance of the home improvement business, Mr. Nardelli frequently referred to himself as hugely successful in his role. "The fact that I am paid such an exorbitant salary is proof I am doing an excellent job," he said.
Board members expect that Mr. Nardelli's new role, which will involve no assignments or responsibilities, will eventually lead to a turnaround for the company.
