Written by John Langlois

Saturday, 6 January 2007

image for Alabama Vaults to Number One in BCS Snafu
Fans salute new BCS ranking

In a stunning surprise that calls into question just how the BCS rankings "really" work, the University of Alabama Crimson Tide vaulted to the Number One ranking, following the hiring of Nick Saban as head coach.

"No one was more startled than we were," said a UA spokesman. "We thought the rankings were based on wins and schedule difficulty. Now it seems there may be something else involved."

BCS spokesmen, long known to be reticent to disclose the details of their calculations, admitted "We do factor in what the coaches get paid. Frankly, it was a way to keep the Southern teams in their place. Everybody knows they don't pay as well as the California or East Coast teams and it seemed like a way to make sure schools like Boston College got a break."

Saban's reported contract in excess of $4 million per year makes Alabama the best paying school in the BCS rankings. Evidently, the current algorithm used that number to re-assign the rankings.

"Well, we will definitely have to re-think how to calculate things now," one BCS insider commented. "We get all this pressure from the sportswriters to put their favorite teams at the top. When you factor in the money, women and blackmail threats, this thing is one big mess."

Ironically, Alabama has declined to accept the first place designation.

"We already have 12 national championships that we earned, more than any other program out there. It only seems right that given our 6-7 season, we pass on this blunder. Chalk it up to good sportsmanship," a UA spokesman noted.

A fan at Boise State commented, "We will take it... Well, maybe not. I knew the damn thing was rigged."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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