NY Times Thinks it knows what God Wills for Marriage

Funny story written by Pointer

Friday, 5 January 2007

image for NY Times Thinks it knows what God Wills for Marriage
It's what God would want

How could the NYTimes know God's will for marriage since it is run by a bunch of gay, lesbian , bi-sexual, transgendered, transexual,gender indifferent (BLT)-loving, divorce-advocating,feminist- supporting liberal media elites?

The Reverend "Big" Otis Hostilmeier, pastor of the Church of Jesus Christ, Our Savior Eternal and his beloved wife, Prudence Chastity Hope have published the following tract to guide believing couples away from the Sodom and Gomorrah -ish deceptions of the liberal, Godless media elite. NB: The good reverend and his faithful wife of sixty nine years comment on this NYTIMES article with their remaks in bold and parentheses.

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying.

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:( The Lord Jesus Christ is the sole relationship expert and He has led us in a chaste and sanctified marriage for sixty-nine years now)

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?( Well now ,Pru ,do you see what I mean. Children are a duty and a blessing from God. There is no deciding as if you were shopping at one of those accursed malls. You're right,Big, every women should be convicted in her heart to accept the marriage act as a duty and a privilege. I know it was always like one of my many wifely chores for me. And you did your duty well, Momma!
Now as to this nonsense of primary care giver, God did not build the female around her womb for nothin' ,not to mention her biological capacity for nursing her brood. You got that right ,Papa . Why if you had ever asked me to discuss who was best suited for caring for our twelve younguns I'd a thought you were loco!

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other?s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?Now see here's some more of the devil's lies. Man wins the bread for the God-centered family and he decides of course how to spend and save. Big, that's certainly the way it's been for us. Fortunately it sort of worked itself out since you never made enough to spend much never mind save anything... Praise God!

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?That's like asking who managed creation- the male-God of course! Amen!, Daddy! You were always great at handin' out the chores for me and the kids. Why it seemed like the 13 of us worked from sunup to way past sundown while you worked on those God-inspired sermons of yours. I used to wonder time and again how you could spend so much time day and night away from home doing the Lord's deeds...

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental? Now you know what that refers to ,don't cha Mama? Why of course ,Big, those sinners are forever catching those terrible venereal diseases and hiding them from each other. Now it's always been different for us honey. We have a God confirmed bond of trust. That's right, Big like the time all us ladies in the congregation came down with those chancres "down there" and you helped us understand when you got back from your preaching mission how it was the curse of Eve. I'll never forget how you took the same medicine we all needed just to give us courage!

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?Is that all those sec-U-lar folks think about? Yes , Big , I often wonder why they so long for affection and closeness. Tis a mystery, mama

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?Dear God, No wonder they are so confused

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?I guess so they can watch those pornos!

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another?s ideas and complaints?I know your answer to that one , Big darling, Ephesians 6 "Wives be submissive to their husbands

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other?s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?That's right dear Ephesians6

Well, Pru,do you think we have helped pagan and believer alike with our marital wisdom? Oh, Yes Big darling I think anyone who listens to this advice will end up just like us. Yes Pru dear,till death do we part...That's right Big Otis , for better or for worst!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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