UK supermarkets ban energy drinks because they give "Hoodie Hooligans" too much energy!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Friday, 19 January 2018


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Banned by UK supermarkets, energy drinks for U 16's because they have too much of the shit!

Hoodies, hooligans, and other juvenile reprobates are being deprived of their favorite "adrenaline kick-starter" (in the goolies mostly) because some supermarkets in the UK believe they have too much wasteful energy!

So, instead of selling under-age hooligans a can of energy drink for breakfast, supermarkets are now reviving an ancient custom by telling them a glass of milk is much healthier!

Hoodies, hooligans and other nasties, told the supermarkets involved in the campaign to, "go and fuck themselves" because milk makes them puke and, a ride on a raging, red, bull, etc, gives them enough energy to complete their daily sporting activities, and here are just a few of them:

1) Kicking the shit out of tramps, homeless people, alcoholics and other wasters...

2) Kicking the shit out of grannies, granddads, and other useless old farts whilst they walk their doggies in UK parks disturbing their dirty business dealings!

3) Terrorising shoppers in shopping centers and running away from bored security guards picking their noses waiting for their shift to end requires much energy!

4) Olympic discipline Numero uno for kids, 24/7, narcissistic, selfie taking on smartphones without a "bull-ish boost" is impossible!

5) Kicking the shit out of gays, illegal immigrants, and others who do not belong to their moronic society takes a massive amount of energy, and on a 'pussy' glass a milk they might not get the adrenaline rush required to become a champion shit-kicker; who knows?

So, UK supermarkets refusing to sell energy drinks to U16 kids who need an "energy kick" up the butt, please offer them milk or a fruity smoothie instead because going to school on a glass of milk or banana might turn them into respectful human beings and not full of flying bull-shit!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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