Dublin, Ireland - The Irish government has been ordered to seize billions of dollars in spurious new taxes from US tech giant Apple.
A Chapter Eleven bankruptcy plot by departing EU Competition (sic) Commissioner Joaquín Almunia designed to ward off European insolvency has demanded $10bn from the California company.
Published this morning the gameplan effectively reinterprets Irish authorities' 1991 and 2007 tax rulings that established Apple's liabilities in Europe.
"Apple should be fined billions of dollars," Almunia said, "to finance ten thousand new EU pen pusher jobs in Human Frights and Wealth Redistribution."
Cupertino lawyers said the plan is little more than a blatant shakedown by the same European hit-and-run mobsters behind string-pulling in Ecuador's $19bn Chevron scam.
"These guys can go whistle," a spokesperson for Orange Pippin, Bramley & Granny Smith LLP commented.
The European Union is $25 TRILLION in debt.