The new iPhone 6 (or 7 or 8 or maybe 9 we're not sure no-one tells us much these days) came out the other day (yeah we know we're behind with the story, shut up) with people queuing for up to ten days to buy one. Knowing we couldn't afford one and lacked the skills required to pinch one we lifted this full review of the iPhone 6 off another website and have pretended that it's ours. With a couple of our own observations added.
The first thing you notice about the iPhone 6 is that it has no visible buttons but after being assured that this was normal with modern phones we decided to purchase the thing. After cutting ourselves severely (and visiting the hospital to get treatment for said wounds) on the packaging we finally gazed upon our brand new technological device.
It was kinda flat which is useful if you want something that is going to slip out of your back pocket completely unnoticed so we guessed this was a "app" for pickpockets.
Once the phone was fully charged (the guide says to allow a month of charging for every fifteen minutes of planned use) we began to use some of the iPhone 6's many new features.
U2's new album
Instant Facebook access, so you could tell everyone how sweet your new iPhone 6 was.
Many of these new features were easy to use once you got the hang of jabbing at the screen and shouting at an inanimate object.
The best thing about the new iPhone 6 is the status in society that it grants you. We rang at least twenty people by accident and normally this would result in bollockings and threats of law suits. However once we told them we'd rang from a brand new iPhone 6 we were suddenly getting invited round for brunch and dinner (but never tea). When we eventually got through to the only person in the world who truly loves us (our therapist. Hi Sandy!) we told her we had a new iPhone and she praised us for "integrating".
We spent the rest of the day Instweeting pictures of our feet to her.
So there you have it a completely impartial and totally true review of the new iPhone 6.