U.S. Construction Workers and Cowboys Being Retrained for Fresh Water Retrieval

Written by Wumf

Friday, 14 February 2014

image for U.S. Construction Workers and Cowboys Being Retrained for Fresh Water Retrieval
The site of Greenland's Ice Harvesting Training School

NUUK, GREENLAND - In a cooperative educational program between Denmark and the U.S., America's laid off construction workers and cowboys will be retrained for fresh water retrieval in Greenland's vast ice sheet which covers 81% of the country (677,855 square miles).

"We are excited to be able to partner with the United States in retraining their workers," said Knud Rasmussen II, a Danish official involved in the project. "We recruited the construction workers because they have ability to use tools and are accustomed to hard work and tough weather conditions. We recruited the cowboys for the exact same reasons, as well as their ability to skillfully lasso objects.

As outlined in the training manual, the construction workers will be using their sawing skills to make large ice blocks to be shipped back to the U.S. and ultimately melted for use in the drought areas of the West. The cowboys will be utilized to lasso the blocks in order to hitch them to snowmobiles for easier transport to rail cars located some distance from the ice.

Massive apartment complexes with recreational facilities have been built near the ice retrieval site. These complexes will house thousands of workers as they complete the year long training program. Of the 2.2 million U.S. construction workers who lost their jobs between January 2007 and 2011, many will be entering this new program.

Ben Schlessinger, a spokesman for the U.S. Dept. of Labor, the agency that is instrumental in this project, explained, "After training, the workers will be sent to areas throughout the world, where glaciers and other ice sheets exist, to harvest ice for fresh water. We are working on the development of an extensive network of ice retrieval sites throughout the world."

Meanwhile, the people of Greenland are excited about the arrival of the foreign visitors. With a population of only 56,370 in a country of 836,109 square miles, they hope to engage the workers in a series of cultural exchanges, as well as speed dating nights for any available singles.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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