Written by Wumf

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

image for Move Over Clydesdales, Bud Lite has New Mascots
No More Heavy Clydesdales for Bud Lite

ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI - Anheuser-Busch announced today that in light of the difficult economic times, they are making a change in the mascots for Bud Lite and their other alcoholic products.

"Feeding 250 Clydesdales that weigh up to 2300 lbs. each just to be in parades is no longer cost effective," stated spokesman Barry Cissleston.

"We are downsizing our teams and will feature "lite" miniature horses instead," explained Cissleston. "Each team will pull a little wagon, and there will be a mini-dalmatian dog riding along with them. We think these new cuter mascots will appeal to our female customers, who drink 11.1% less than men. We are hoping this just might be the ticket to increase their beer consumption."

In addition, Cissleston explained that miniature horses are usually less than 36 - 38 inches tall and hardly eat anything, so that is very cost effective, not to mention easier to clean up after.

When asked what will happen to the 250 Clydesdales now that they are being replaced, Cissleston replied, "Our Clydesdales will be hauling beer to California. California ranks #1 in beer shipments. In fact, California shipped 22.32 million barrels of beer in 2012 and each person drinks about 25.5 gallons of beer per year. If our Clydesdales supply beer to California, then that's really cost effective!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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