Convert the Euro into a Candy Bar, Says EU Debt Panel

Written by Michael Balton

Thursday, 6 October 2011

image for Convert the Euro into a Candy Bar, Says EU Debt Panel

Brussels - A committee of Europe's leading economists, bankers and nutritionists have developed a simple solution to end the European debt crisis. They propose converting the Euro from a currency into a candy bar.

"Currently, we are printing euros just as fast as we can," an EU spokesman said. "That lowers the value of the euro and reduces prices on our exports, so we can be more competitive on the world market."

The trouble is, the millions upon billions of extra euros linger in the system to pose a future liability.

"But if the euro is made into a delicious candy bar, it will be consumed shortly after it is exchanged for services or goods," the EU spokesman said. "It wouldn't stick around, gumming up the system."

The positive results of an edible euro include reduced debt, lower interest rates, decreased inflation, and a large collective sugar rush for EU workers.

The EU Debt Panel originally proposed that the Euro candy bar reflect the diversity of the European Union. Plans were already in motion for it to be manufactured from such "authentic" ingredients as Swiss chocolate, Belgian nougat and Greek nuts.

But the panel got a better deal from Beijing, so the new Euro actually will be manufactured in China.

Global reaction was generally supportive of the currency conversion. But what might be a sweet idea for Europe and the rest of the world produced many sour faces in the United States.

"An influx of Euro bars will no doubt contribute to the growing obesity problem we have here in America," Pres. Barack Obama complained. "Michelle isn't going to like this."

House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) claimed that the currency confectionary scheme was actually created by Congress months ago.

"We just couldn't get together on whether the dollar should be converted into a candy bar, an ice cream sandwich or a ShamWow," Boehner cried.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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