Oklahoma Man Dies While Attempting to Kill Time
Brent Hargrave of Tulsa, Oklahoma, was attempting to kill time at his boring office job when time rallied and, in a valiant show of self-defense, slayed the project manager. “I don't think he even saw it coming,” said Hargrave's former co-worker,...
Read full storyNew British passport to be fifty shades of blue
Whitehall officials yesterday confirmed that all British passport holders currently in possession of the Burgundy European Union document will be issued with a new passport, in fifty shades of blue, once the UK has cast off the shackles of evil, sadi...
Read full storyCommonwealth Games Shock as England Tiddlywinks Player Is Sent Home
In a hastily convened press conference at the Commonwealth Gold Coast games today, the Me Too Movement, assisted by Femen activists, told how they had been investigating a catalogue of abuse by English number one tiddlywinker and Balham’s former “art...
Read full story86 ft sea monster found on Brit beach has same DNA as Boris Johnson!
Scientists analysing huge, ancient bones, found on a Brit beach, have discovered something quite amazing! It seems the DNA in the bones, that belonged to a huge Jurassic sea monster, has the same DNA as the present UK foreign minister, BOJO! "Ther...
Read full storyShocker: Hollywood Couple Marries BEFORE Having Kids
UN-BEE-LIEV-ABLE! One perplexed teen proclaimed. "I don't understand this at all," he continued. "Uh, why get married FIRST? That's the question," he said. I mean, if you want kids, shouldn't you have your girlfriend pop out one or two before you...
Read full storyMan Woken Up By Own Fart
A man was stirred from his slumbers in Cambodia last night after hearing a noise which he subsequently realised was his own anus speaking to him through the medium of a fart. Moys Kenwood, an Englishman, was fast asleep when, from the depths of hi...
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