Some News Headlines You May Have Missed
Russia declares war against China. Iran declares war against Iraq. Israel declares war against Syria. Italy declares war against Macedonia. Turkey declares war against Germany. Australia declares war against East Timor. Japan declares war again...
Read full storySenior sexual assault: "She hung the Handicap Parking placard around my neck and sat on my face!"
The Raleigh News and Observer is reporting today that an elderly man in a small town near Raleigh claims he was sexually assaulted while sleeping in a parked car in a shopping center. According to the report the elderly man was sleeping in the pas...
Read full storyUniversity Student Ejaculates Through Open Feminist "Safe-Space" Window
Eugene, Oregon - A University of Oregon program to provide "safe-spaces" for male masturbators started off with good intentions but backfired thanks to a failure of foresight in positioning the safe-space male masturbation room adjacent to a feminist...
Read full storyPhiladelphia Fraternal Order of Police Head Clarifies "Clinton Blew Us Off" Comment As Reason For Trump Endorsement
Philadelphia - One day after announcing that his union was endorsing Republican nominee Donald Trump for President of the United States, John McNesby, the President of the Philadelphia Fraternal Order of Police backtracked on his comment that Democr...
Read full storyTrump Calls for Four More Walls
GOP Presidential Candidate Donald Trump announced today his administration will not rest until the entire nation is protected from productive immigrants. His campaign called a press conference to explain that the candidate recently learned some state...
Read full storyPresident Obama Offers to Establish Death Panel
The president announced today a major change to the Affordable Care Act, affectionately known as Obamacare. "It has come to my attention that the largest health care insurance companies have suffered as low a market gain as 570% since the ACA became...
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