Dr. Phil: "Achieve your higher consciousness---stick your texting finger up your Ass!"
The audience at the Dr. Phil TV program gasped this afternoon when Dr. Phil unloaded on a program participant who had been found guilty of texting while driving in North Carolina severely injuring a woman and her small child. The man seemed totally unrepentant as Dr. Phil interviewed him. Dr. Phil: "Don't you feel terrible that your negligence caused these injuries of innocent people?" Ma...
Read full storyAfter Losing the News Cycle for Three Days to Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump Declares Himself Dead
Washington, D. C.--Donald Trump, after watching the news cycle focus on the death of Muhammad Ali for the last three days, today declared to Jake Tapper, on "State of the Nation," that he was dead. Said the bloviating billionaire to Tapper: "Yeah,...
Read full storyWith Two You Get Egg Roll
JAMESTOWN - If New York property owners complain about a water chestnut problem, they are not talking about Chinese takeout. The European water chestnut, an invasive aquatic plant is not the same as the water chestnut which can be purchased in can...
Read full storyThe First Flush
Amagansett NY - Shoppers will soon have a place to pee with the construction of a new public restroom. After promising residents for more than twelve years, the town has finally begun work on a public restroom in the hamlet's downtown parking lot.
Read full storyGOP Promises To Spank Trump If He Abuses Nuclear Arsenal
Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan say they will resort to corporal punishment if Donald Trump should ever abuse his access to the nations nuclear codes. "I think a good old fashioned spanking or paddling would be in order," McConnell said. "Donald Tru...
Read full storyBrown Mass at Saints of Grace Lutheran Church
Greenwich CT: "Never before has there been such a horror!" said Rev. Paul Martin. He, along with 138 congregants looked somewhat dazed and had a vacant thousand yard stare in their eyes. The front lawn of Saints of Grace Lutheran Church looked like a...
Read full storyArchaeological Find Reveals the Bush Bloodline
"George Bush"... The True Origin of the Name. These pages written by Saint John on the Island of Patmos may be the most important discovery of the century,... aside from the mountains on Pluto. The discovery of Pluto's mountains sent the poor and...
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