Tokyo Unveils 2020 Olympic Mascots - Sex Dolls!
Tokyo, Japan - In a move that greatly saddened Hello Kitty lovers across Japan, the Tokyo Olympic committee announced Friday that they have decided to go with two inflatable sex dolls, as the mascots for the 2020 Summer Games. Head of the Games co...
Read full storyTrump Surrogate Says She Should Be Executed
Scottie Nell Hughes, a Trump surrogate, in an interview with Esquire magazine, spelled out the Trump campaigns strategy. Hughes illustrated a defining principle of Trumpism: There's no longer such thing as fact, because anything is true if enough pe...
Read full storyTwitter to Drop the Letter "T" on Inauguration Day
San Francisco, CA - If Twitter has its way, Donald Rump will be the next US President. Putin will just be "P U", and Twitter will be called Wi Er (pronounced "we err"). The changes will occur on Inauguration Day, when Twitter will disallow any use o...
Read full storyTrump Falls through Cracked Floor in Oval Office
Washington, DC - While checking in at the White House, Donald Trump fell through a major crack in the Oval Office floor, getting his nose horribly out of joint after being trapped for over two hours. Trump was unable to reach anybody for help by...
Read full storyTony Bennett Releases Yet Another Fucking Christmas Album
New York, New York - Proving to the world once again that he is, indeed, still alive, crooner Tony Bennett releases the 500th Christmas album in his nauseating yule tide collection. This latest one is called, I'm A Christmas Whore - There, I Said It!...
Read full storyGood Queen Bess's Body Not in Her Tomb
London--In a recent ongoing inventory of the extensive and diverse remains within Westminster Abbey a fluke DNA test proved a lead enclosed body in a back-room crypt was actually the remains of one of Britain's most illustrious monarchs. Queen Eli...
Read full storyHillary Clinton to Demand a Recount of Deplorables in U.S. Electorate
Washington - Defeated Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton will request an official adjustment of the total percentage of "Deplorables" in the electorate based on the final tally of popular vote in the U.S. election. "It appears that if current...
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