Ayn Rand Zoo Opens, Closes, on the Same Day
IRVINE, CA--The new Ayn Rand Zoo, located in the same city that houses the Ayn Rand Institute and funded solely by private donors like Sheldon Adelson and Koch Industries, opened--and closed--last Wednesday in what Objectivist philosopher Leonard Pe...
Read full storyRadio carbon dating tests reveal Pope Joe Ratzinger in fossilised state
Rome - Retired Vatican rock star Pope Bennydick 16 has crumbled to ruins two years after getting the boot for the Turin Shroud scam. This morning a medical team examining the ex-Pontiff's private quarters confirmed they's found a dry rot infestati...
Read full storyClinton's secret Benghazi emails discovered
Yesterday, this reporter--and I'm not going to tell you how I did it--hacked Hillary Clinton's email account: H@Gmail.com/top secret/Benghazi. No wonder she wanted to keep this away from prying eyes and perspicacious newspaper people,like me. T...
Read full storyCandidate Sanders picks Colonel Sanders for VEEP slot
Burlington, Vermont -- Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has selected deceased fast food mogul Col. Harlan David Sanders as his vice presidential running mate. Asked to describe the "flavor" of their campaign, Col. Sanders said: "It...
Read full storyEndangered species no longer endangered
It has been "leaked" from Dr. Phineas Provolone, Chair of the Ornithology Section of the Smithsonian, and will appear in tomorrow's "Bird and Cuckoo Digest," that an endangered bird specie is no longer endangered. The leaked information is in the...
Read full story