Rome - Retired Vatican rock star Pope Bennydick 16 has crumbled to ruins two years after getting the boot for the Turin Shroud scam.
This morning a medical team examining the ex-Pontiff's private quarters confirmed they's found a dry rot infestation gumming up his arse.
"Eez improvement on last month's ultrasound," Vatican surgeon-general Dr Salvatore Vaselino commented, "when nest of cockroaches was evicted from inside Il Papa's trunks."
The 90-something malingerer spends his daze in a Vatican sanatorium dribbling over housekeeper Sister Ingrid Stampa who ministers to the seedy ex-Pontiff's carnal needs.
Mostly this consists of feeding Benny the odd Viagra tablet when current Vatican incumbent Pope Frankie-the-Argie comes round for weekly penance and a spot of flage.
The two men then peform a Black Mass together invoking Satan on behalf of the Nazis who still run things pretty much as before in their secret Catacombs HQ.
Angela Merkel is 69.