Team-Wide Brawl at Spurs Practice
A massive brawl ensued at the Spurs practice facility Wednesday afternoon, involving players, coaching staff, and some members of the press. The police report released this morning described the scene as "an unsettling display of savage violence."...
Read full storyHillary Battles Elizabeth Warren For Rodent Supremacy: Chipmunk Cheek War
BILLINGSGATE POST: Which candidate has the cutest chipmunk cheeks? Although Hillary looks more like an adorable rodent than Elizabeth, both have faces that seem a little squirrely to the casual observer. In anatomical terms it is called having "buc...
Read full storyRonald McDonald announces intent to run for President
Adding to the growing list of franchise names running for President, Ronald McDonald announced his campaign for the highest office in the land. When asked why he would make such a move, the clown responded, "I figured with the other candidates tha...
Read full storyThe meaning of 'Happiness'?
'Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess, I thank the Lord that I've been blessed, With more than my share of happiness'. Many will recognise these lyrics as the chorus to the 1964 hit 'Happiness', made famous by the buck-toothed,...
Read full storyMicheal Jordan Orders a Fleet of Lamborghini Golf Carts
Jupiter, Florida - If you only know two things about Micheal Jordan, it's that he likes to play basketball, and that he likes to play golf - and he likes to do both of these things, very fast! Since retiring from the basketball world, Micheal Jor...
Read full storyThailand sues Isle of Wight twins
Conjoined twins Doris (aged 86) and Betty (aged 86) Peaswhistle were left devastated yesterday when they received a note of formal litigation from the Embassy of Thailand in London. The litigation appears to refer to a book that Doris and Betty ha...
Read full storyMiliband and Sturgeon plan partnership ahead of election
A report by the leading market research and opinion polling company UTWAT claimed today that the success of UKIP can be attributed almost entirely to their decision to use an acronym for a name. Chief researcher, Norbert Spangler insisted that the...
Read full storyNicola Sturgeon sells 'Great Seal of Scotland'
With the General Election only weeks away, it is rumoured that the Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, has sold the Great Seal of Scotland in order to boost the SNP election war-chest. Strictly speaking, the Great Seal of Scotland was abolis...
Read full storyFlorida Stands It's Ground
While Indiana Navy veterans have been hand wringing over whether or not the Religious Freedom Restoration Act/[S.B.568] would include past youthful indiscretions at sea; some eye-popping legislative initiatives in Florida have slipped right through t...
Read full storyFBI's Most Wanted Terrorist Signs Short-Term-Contract With Philadelphia Eagles
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Ahmad Abousamra, the FBI's most-wanted terrorist signed a one-game deal Monday with the Eagles, an anonymous league source said Sunday afternoon. Philadelphia has finalized an agreement with the 36-year-old Ahmad Abousamra when...
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