
A collection of Michael Owen's best tweets
Since joining Twitter the former football player and now commentator Michael Owen has shared his insights into life. Find below some of the nuggets of interest- It's Friday night! Think I might treat myself to a glass of water - I deserve it Good to see out of some of the football matches played today, several of them had winners. Football on later. Hopefully we'll see plenty of ball kic...
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Roman Abramovich's credit card declined at swanky NYC eatery
New York - The Russian mobster was left red faced last night at trendy Upper East Side restaurant Kolestroll Klub when his credit card was declined after wolfing down a $5,000 slap-up meal. Abramovich, 69, who never carries cash, was forced to pul...
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Government Approves Adding Chemicals to Scottish Water Supplies
The systematic addition of chemicals to Scottish water supplies is to resume to keep rebellion levels down. Additional chemical dosing will continue in keeping with pre-referendum Westminster policy, effectively maintaining a docile disposition in th...
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Fox News Correspondent Bill O'Reilly to Sell Family Plantation
Hollywood, CA Stacy Dash, Clueless actress, recently filed a report for Fox News stating that the Democratic Party was guilty of having a "plantation mentality," in reference to Democrats providing public assistance to citizens giving the Democrats c...
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Obama Names Honkie Ebola Czar
BILLINGSGATE FLASH ALERT: Creating yet another racial firestorm, President Obama announced today the coronation of Ron Klain as Ebola czar. Bypassing black supernumeraries, such as Jesse Jackson and His Holiness, Al Sharpton, this appointment has r...
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'Get well' cards speeding the spread of Ebola, CDC warns
Washington - A new study by the Centers for Disease Control has found that the common "get well" card is the leading carrier of the deadly Ebola virus. The government health agency has issued emergency usage guidelines in response. "Your typical g...
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Hindenburg Zeppelin Disaster Finally Solved
In 1776 Marie Curie invented radiation. In 10,254.543 BC, Grog invented the bonfire and shortly afterwards, the Bar-B-Que. In 1935 Moe slapped fellow Stooge, Curly, repeatedly until he came up with a vision which would eventually lead to the creati...
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