Philae Lander finds discarded condom
The Cosmos - Alien litter louts are being blamed for a pile of cack discovered on the surface of Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. Pics of the offending trash were beamed back to Earth from a robotic probe, the Philae Lander, that picked up imager...
Read full storySpace Exploration is waste of cash and time, says Nasa insider
A NASA Technician and Whistleblower has revealed that most Astronauts 'don't know shit about physics ' and only want to get to Outer Space to 'get laid', by 'easy, well-endowed female Martians, who put out'. The NASA Insider claims that ''Astrona...
Read full storyApple Announces Female Egg Bank
Ever since Apple announced plans to store employee eggs in hopes that women would remain at their desks and continue with business as usual (as opposed to quitting to have a kid) the march has begun for other institutions to open Egg Banks. Sperm Ban...
Read full storyIn it to win it!
Jails have been forced to install stairlifts to cope with rocketing numbers of pensioner prisoners since the Tories came to power it has been announced. At least 8,987 over 65's were arrested in 2013 up 34 per cent on 2009. Prison chiefs have also ha...
Read full storyIt's big down under Bruce!
It's that time of year again folks when ITV, having trawled umpteen nationwide casting agencies sign up an assortment of nondescript-would-be-celebrities and allow them to jet off to the land of Oz for a few weeks to fornicate with each other. Ye...
Read full storyCured Ebola Doc Sneezes at NYC Press Conference
The press conference started out without incident, as scores of medical workers, hospital officials, politicians, and reporters crowded around the cured doc to wish him well as he was released from a NYC hospital. Warm wishes, hugs, and handshake...
Read full storyRepublicans Will Discontinue Social Security and Use Money for Monuments to Republican Presidents
Washington, DC-Republicans today announced that Social Security will be discontinued and the money saved used to build memorials to U.S. Presidents-coincidentally enough all Republican presidents. The memorials will include: The Benjamin Harrison...
Read full storyQueen Falls Asleep During Prince Charles Speech
Buckingham Palace, London, England-Queen Elizabeth, as did most of the rest of the audience, fell asleep during a Prince Charles speech yesterday. "All he had to do was say 'gardening' and I was out" said the Queen. "It at least used to take long...
Read full storyNow Presenting-Dick Cheney's First Column-The Topic? Torture!
Hi! This is your old pal Vice-President Dick Cheney! Don't worry-no hunting involved here! When I was asked to do a column, I asked them what they wanted me to concentrate on, and they told me to do it on something I knew a lot about and loved. I didn't have to think for even a second before I told them-I'll do a column on Torture! I've always been an aficionado of torture. It started whe...
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