Karl Rove offers brain transfusion to Hillary Clinton from his own cranium
Mindful of the uproar over his recent comment that Hillary Clinton may have suffered brain damage from a fall back in December, 2012, Karl Rove clarified his position yesterday. According to reps from his office he is merely worried--including con...
Read full storyVladimir Putin: Mission Accomplished
Unlike President Bush, President Vladimir Putin did not fly in a navy jet, land on an aircraft carrier and announce: Mission Accomplished! Instead, Mr. Putin sailed on a white cabin cruiser (that looked more oligarch than Russian Navy) into the Crime...
Read full storySelf Employed at Record High Levels
Data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) shows that self-employment is at a record high of 4 ½ million, helping push the overall jobless rate down to 6.8% While the numbers look good on the surface, however, a poll reveals some disturbin...
Read full storyMedal Of Honor Recipient Shares Harrowing Tail
Washington DC - With Siamese Twin brother, joined close to the hip since birth but largely inoperable according to vets. Today it was his turn for the big gong, the Medal of Honor, imbuing President Obama with lots of self worth. "You fought s...
Read full storySteubenville Prepares To Purge; Pull Up Drawbridges, Set Force Fields
SORRY 911 IS OUT OF SERVICE AGAIN, STEUBENVILLE, OHIO -- City council is discussing plans to initiate a monthly purge in which citywide crime of all sorts would be legal from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. the last day of each month. "Probably wouldn't notice...
Read full storyThis is a Party Political Pest Fest by the 'UK Bash the Buddhist Party'
I stand before you in steel-grey flannel slacks. As you do I, you I, I, you and all of you, with I! No more shall a list of four main bullet points happen to you, if you prefer to eat a Custard Cream. Look at me: I'm wearing a silver knight's helmet nicked from a museum. Listen to the voices of those who share our commitment to a country where the power brokers in SlagsBourg cannot prev...
Read full storyInternal polling shows I beat Joe Heck and Erin Bilbray
LAS VEGAS - With voters wanting something besides the pale platitudes that both major party candidates Joe Heck and Erin Bilbray are offering, I, Dominus Noster, decided to conduct my own internal polling. I polled a sample of all of my readers,...
Read full storyRyan Giggs smokes a joint with King Louis!
Ryan Giggs was spotted leaving a Dutch coastal hotel and flying as high as a local kyte-surfer after smoking a joint or two with King Louis van Gaal. Smoke got in their eyes as they discussed Man United's dreadful season and how the pair of them c...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Forming Militia, Plans to Assault Cliven Bundy Ranch
Sources say Justin Bieber is distraught over how his shenanigans have backfired. Desperate to prove himself a man and gain 'street cred', the pop star embarked on a series of misadventures last year designed to show that he's a 'bad boy'. How...
Read full storyRoss Kemp Goes Missing In Salford
Ex East-Enders actor Ross 'The Real Deal' Kemp was reported missing today whilst filming another episode of Ross Kemp On Gangs in Salford. A distraught production assistant who declined to be named for fear of reprisals said: 'We tried to warn...
Read full storyOscar Pistorius Certainly Fit Enough To Stand Trial Say Experts
Oscar Pistorius, say many experts, is definitely fit enough to stand to trial, despite murmurings from South Africa he may not be. "He is an athlete!" Screamed former Olympian Carl Lewis "He is extremely fit, even with no legs his fitness and exer...
Read full storySecret Service Apologizes for Roughing-Up School Teachers, Staff
FLOTUS Michelle Obama started a controversy when she published a picture of herself, with her trademark pout indicating displeasure, and holding a sign which read #bringbackourgirls. She was showing her support for the kidnapped Nigerian girls, unfo...
Read full storyThere are some.
There are places in the world where people don't say "awesome". They say "ah-some". There are some. There are those who think they've been abducted by a Martian, which would be awesome. There are some. There are millions of people who say "awesome" when they mean "very good". There are some. There are people who like Jeremy Clarkson. They are not awesome. But there are some. There are...
Read full storyCNN Desperately Looking for New Big Story
Rival news station CNN, otherwise known as the Cable News Network, has just announced it is actively searching for a new Story of Maximum Importance. What's that? Well, in recent years, CNN's preferred broadcast technique is choosing just one piec...
Read full storyNYC to Name Award "New Yorker You Least Want to Run Into" After Alec Baldwin
New York City - The New York City Visitor's Bureau has decided to begin handing out an annual award designed to reward a recipient, while at the same time alerting the public to a person who, should they see him or her in public, should be avoide...
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