Self Employed at Record High Levels

Funny story written by El Capitaz

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

image for Self Employed at Record High Levels
Two self-employed entrepreneurs ply their trade in the streets of London

Data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) shows that self-employment is at a record high of 4 ½ million, helping push the overall jobless rate down to 6.8%

While the numbers look good on the surface, however, a poll reveals some disturbing details among those who claim to be self-employed.

15% described their self-employed profession as "Donation Solicitors Operating in a Non-Office Environment" (homeless beggar).

35% named their self-employed occupation as "Writer" (Facebook poster)

And a full 42% claimed their self-employed job consisted of "Royal Family Researcher" (Hacking into Kate Middleton's phone)

The remaining 8% appeared to be scattered among the more tradition jobs, such as financial adviser and handy man; however, disturbingly a full 2% described their occupation as "Jihadist".

A spokesperson for the Department for Work and Pension created a bit of a fuss when he announced that a 2% showing for 'Jihadist' was "Outstanding! That's a high-growth segment sure to keep growing and help keep pushing the overall unemployment rate down."

"Jihadist? Bloody Hell!" said Miles Cooper, a random man on the street, when asked his opinion of the results. "Where was the curriculum for that when I was a lad?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more