Ross Kemp Goes Missing In Salford

Funny story written by Tommy Lynch

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

image for Ross Kemp Goes Missing In Salford
Ross Kemp Goes Missing In Salford

Ex East-Enders actor Ross 'The Real Deal' Kemp was reported missing today whilst filming another episode of Ross Kemp On Gangs in Salford.

A distraught production assistant who declined to be named for fear of reprisals said:

'We tried to warn Ross that this was probably a bridge too far. I mean, we'd done Rio, and LA, and London, and Romania, and Moscow too, but a lot of the team felt that Salford was just pushing the envelope a bit too far.Ross went out to speak to a caracter from Clarendon olde School and just disappeared. Simple as that. We haven't had a ransom note yet and quite frankly we don't know if he's alive or dead.

I would appeal to anybody out there that if they're holding Ross, could they please release him and we'll say no more about it.'

A Salford Police spokesman said: 'The daft t@@t should have known that something like this was bound to happen. There's no point in coming to us for help either,we avoid Salford whenever possible.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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