Windows 8 Used to Cure the Criminally Insane
Recent reports indicate that State Mental Hospitals across the country are treating their worst cases of insanity by forcing patients to use a computer running Windows 8 for prolonged periods of time. "It's true" confirmed a spokesperson for the...
Read full storyChinese Government in Negotiations to Purchase Nevada
Rory Reid, son of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, today announced a controversial plan to sell the entire state of Nevada to the Communist Chinese Government. Terms of the deal are being withheld, pending approval by the gambling syndicate. "...
Read full storyToronto Mayor "Outed" As Late "Taxi" Star
Early this morning, while on his daily morning run, Mayor Tom Ford outed himself as "the late" Andy Kaufman, who has been presumably dead for 30 years. Ford was running down by the Lake Ontario shore front when, all of a sudden, he started reciting K...
Read full storyHillary needs her head examined says former Bush phrenologist** Karl Rove
Washington - "For all we know she's already brain dead," Karl Rove tweeted today, "guess not many folk could tell the difference either way." Crazy talk like that means, of course, that stuff's happening up on the Hill where the ex-Secretary of S...
Read full storyChildren's Book 'Tale of Peter Cottontail' Critized for Lack of Species Diversity
Chicago, IL - The Rainbow/PUSH Coalition and the American Civil Liberties Union, in conjunction with the Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender community, are demanding that the children's book 'The Tale of Peter Cottontail' be rewritten to include a w...
Read full storyMayor De Blasio weighs in over Alec Baldwin 'cycling menace' brouhaha
NYC - "Don't you know who the guy used to be?" was New York Mayor Bill de Blasio' s remark today at news of Alec Baldwin's cuffing on Fifth Avenue for guerrilla cycling stuff like a complete and utter dork. "He almost ran against me for Mayor las...
Read full storyUkraine elections in dispute by White House and Yats
Yesterday the White House said "it does not recognize" results of the Ukraine referendum on Sunday. An "illegal" process. Arseniy "Yats" Yatsenyuk called it "farce." But in February, when Kiev protesters drove President Yanukovich from office--...
Read full storyGM Recalls Every Car They Ever Made
Millions of GM car owners got a big surprise in their mailbox this week, a recall notice informing them that their, Caprice, Colbart, Corvair, Vega, Chevette, Corvette, Trailblazer, Suburban, Yukon, Malibu or any other GM car ever made is a death tra...
Read full storyBreathing Ruled Pre-existing Condition By Florida Judge
Miami, FL - A Federal judge has ruled that breathing is a pre-existing condition and therefore any medical condition that does or could affect breathing is not covered under certain health care plans. The ruling has far-reaching implications beyon...
Read full storyDonald Sterling to Join Militia with Cliven Bundy
In a surprise move that observers say is unlikely to gain him any support, disgraced Los Angeles Clipper owner Donald Sterling announced today that he is traveling to Nevada to join the militia with embattled rancher Cliven Bundy. Sterling, who m...
Read full storyNFL Unveils Tickle Football
Howard Moss was in for a surprise when he reported to the Bears rookie training camp as a right tackle this week. He was staring at the sign-in sheet that mentioned "Tickle Football", When something odd happened.What he thought was a simple typograp...
Read full storyPfeiffer Take Over Threat
Cute farmer Michelle Pfeiffer is set to take over British agricultural firm AstralZenith so that she can turn it into a world renowned brand. Michelle, married to a member of the mob, known as Ian Reed, has been involved during her agricultural ca...
Read full storyOne direction pelted by eggs
Shit-house boy band One Direction recently enraged music lovers of good taste by re-enacting the Abbey Road crossing made famous by rock icons, "The Beetles." The result was the bombardment of the boys by nearby residents and staunch defenders of...
Read full storyNFL Teams Eye Proactive Name Changes to Stay Ahead of the Game
Executives emerged from an emergency owners meeting of the National Football League, determined to stay ahead of the pressure to adopt politically correct names, which is non-existent, except where hyped by the media. Some teams are more under th...
Read full storySnyder to Change Team Name, Place Self in Coma
In a move experts say was inevitable, Daniel Snyder, owner of the NFL Washington Redskins, announced today that the team is changing its name; it will now be known as the Washington "White Devil Who Speaks with Forked Tongue Scalpers" a move cheered...
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