New Computer Sneezing Virus Resistant To All Antibiotics
Computer Software Recovery companies have advised anyone whose computer sneezes repeatedly on switching on, to put it in a warm bed with a hot water bottle and make it drink plenty of fluids. In all probability it has contracted a new form of virus...
Read full storyNewsCorpse 'Fake Sheikh' appointed head of Mossad PR
Tel Aviv - A professional confidence trickster specialising in celebrity stings has been hired by the Israeli secret service ahead of all out war on Hamas. Mazher Mahmood, former Murdoch investigative reporter (sic) and suspected serial perjurer...
Read full storyConstruction Crew Unearths the Truth
Pottstown, PA --Contractors in rural Winston, North Dakota were in the early stages of an excavation project last week when a 10-man team hit upon some very convincing evidence. Daniel Robbins, the crew chief for This-n-That Contractors, notified...
Read full storyThe New Smash Hit Film - 'Dawn Of The Planet Of Illegal Immigrants'!
The new Sci-Fi flick 'Dawn Of The Planet Of Illegal Immigrants' is taking the box office by storm! The latest sequel in the series that started with 'Planet Of The Illegal Immigrants' then continued with 'Beyond The Planet Of The Illegal Immigrants',...
Read full storyLana Del What?
Lana Del Ray (no, we don't know who she is either) has sensationally admitted to sleeping her way around the music industry. The singer (?) said: "I have slept a lot of guys in the industry but none of them helped me get my record deals." Learning of this amazing news BATTL news hastily arranged a interview with her to find out the truth behind the statement. We also took a guitar along...
Read full story"Carry On" Films - Surviving Cast Members Innocent Of Any Bottom Pinching - CPS Finding
Requests by Operation "Holly Bush" investigators to interview surviving cast members of all "Ooh Err Missis!" Carry On films have been dismissed by the CPS, who described it as a farce. All the bottom pinching, innuendos and improper suggestions w...
Read full storyThink INSIDE the Box, An Expert Advises
As Bob Dylan croons, "The Times They Are A-Changin'." For years, experts had advised thinking OUTSIDE the box. Be different and unconventional, we were told. Look in areas where no one else is looking. Find unique solutions. The problem is -- everyone who is anyone began thinking OUTSIDE the box. It's become too crowded out there. Thinking OUTSIDE the box has become the conventional,...
Read full storySalacious Seeking Supervisor
Mark Dooley, newest employee at Jackson and Blythe Insurance, has filed a sexual harassment complaint with head office. "I'm a pretty shy guy at first," Dooley explained. "During my second week on the job, my supervisor Karen Dickinson started ch...
Read full storyVlad (not the Impaler?)
I'm so excited, having just received a present from my darling Uncle Vladimir. A collectors set of Russian Dolls beautifully crafted in his image. So cute, so accurate and just like him, so tiny. He is gorgeously unsmiling with that distant stare which some of his horrible detractors claim is cold and ruthless. But on with the list: his tiny bare chest..his bulging little muscles..his striking...
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