Crop circle circumcises Cerne Abbas Giant's dick
Cerne Abbas, Dorset - A crop circle has been blamed for emasculating the huge erect penis of a 180ft ancient Neolithic colossus known as the Cerne Abbas Dick. Uh, Giant. Carved into a Dorset chalk hillock over 10,000 years ago the club-wielding f...
Read full storyParting Of Red Sea Like Dog's Back Leg In New Bible Film
Director Didley Scott has made Moses go back and part the Red Sea properly over 100 times until the parting was neat and straight according to an inside source on the location of "Exodus Men and Gods" in Spain. Christian Banal, playing Moses, sai...
Read full storyFor First Time, Hard Drive Crashes Surpasses Car Crashes in Washington DC
Washington D.C. - An epidemic of hard drive crashes is sweeping this city and, for the first time in history, the number has exceeded the total number of car crashes that have occurred within the city limits since 2011. It is truly uncanny how man...
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In a last ditch attempt to totally wipe out Police credibility in the UK Scotland Yard is set to hire recruits with criminal convictions in a new drive to put 5,000 extra crooks on the street. Not any old crooks, but a large percentage of ethnic croo...
Read full storyDrunken Germans Celebrate World Cup Win By Invading Poland
HOFBRAUHAUS, MUNICH -- Germany continued its World Cup championship celebration Monday, as its highly intoxicated and blindly aggressive government ordered troops to invade Poland. "After a few dozen steins of Augustiner Maximator, we got a little...
Read full storyLib Dems Sulking about Conservatives re-shuffle
The Lib-Dems are Absolutely Not going to reshuffle themselves and give roles to more lady M.Ps in the government because the ladies are not present in great enough numbers to properly shuffle about, an exasperated spokesperson said this morning.
Read full storyManhattan Island Sinks Beneath Hudson
Due to the increase in beverage and meal portion sizes in restaurants, there was a noticeable increase in water levels around the island of Manhattan. The locals were too busy eating their XTRA-LARGE beverages and Big Macs to notice that their isl...
Read full storyTruth Ring in Westminster
Claims that there has been a secret truth ring in Westminster has been made by backbench Conservative MP Beamish Bounderby. In an interview with the Guardian, he has claimed that a secret cabal of politicians has been telling the truth for decades, a...
Read full storyProtests in The Street. Mourning And Shock as Self Styled Education God Is Removed
Michael (God) Guv has been removed from the mayhem his abrupt confrontational style has caused, in order that the Prime Minister can start talking meaningfully with the country's teachers, education bosses and headmasters again. Crying in the stre...
Read full storyDuncan Disorderly - Physio Sangster's Antics Astound
He put his left leg in, his left leg out, in out, in out and shaked it all about. Before the coach driver told him "You're not getting on my ruddy coach in that condition." This was not the first time that unconventional Forfar Athletic physio D...
Read full storyO.A.Pimps
Ever since the dawn of time people/old people, have enjoyed/felt equally ashamed of, having intercourse. In a society were sex sells and tits are bitcoins, the new look is to have those double D moneybags swinging by your knees. In an exclusive undercover report, we managed to have a sit down with the head of 'Golden Wheelchair Escorting' and ask...why? The 'Golden Wheelchair Escorting' company...
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