Jalapeño to be announced as next American Idol Judge
HOLLYWOOD, CA -- In an effort to "spice things up" and reverse the lowest television ratings since seaon two, American Idol producers have announced that a jalapeño will be the next judge on American Idol. The announcement comes just a few weeks foll...
Read full storyAmid Recent Horror, Louisiana to Have as Many Magazine Clips as Issues of People Magazine
NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Reports out of Baton Rouge confirm the state capital's effort to "intensify" gun violence across the state of Louisiana by aiming to obtain an equal ratio of magazine clips to issues of People Weekly inside medical facilities, defe...
Read full storyLeader of Westboro Baptist Church Goes to Heaven
Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, died suddenly on Tuesday at a military funeral while screaming and waving a sign that read God Hates Fags. Only minutes later, the renowned leader found himself in heaven, before God's throne, blinking...
Read full storyThe 10 sure signs you're playing for the Mets
Flushing, New York -- It's hard enough being a Mets fan, putting up with a Scrooge of an owner and a stooge of a general manager. Imagine playing for this talentless team. Put yourself in their bargain store spikes and consider the 10 top indicatio...
Read full storyRed Sox Player Injured While Sleeping
Red Sox star pitcher Clay Buchholz is having the year of his life, winning every game so far, up to seven. Alas, he will not make a stab at number seven, owing to his mattress. This is disconcerting for Pedro Martinez and the furniture company th...
Read full story