The 10 sure signs you're playing for the Mets

Funny story written by Michael Balton

Monday, 27 May 2013

image for The 10 sure signs you're playing for the Mets
A swing and a miss is the Mets' idea of a double play.

Flushing, New York -- It's hard enough being a Mets fan, putting up with a Scrooge of an owner and a stooge of a general manager. Imagine playing for this talentless team. Put yourself in their bargain store spikes and consider the 10 top indications that you belong to one of the most clueless ball clubs the major leagues have ever known.

1. Forget Gatorade. Start getting used to the taste of Crocodile Tears.

2. You have to convince management that a "Bernie Madoff Bobble Head Night" isn't such a hot idea.

3. It suddenly dawns on you why they call it Flushing.

4. They rename Citi Field YOUR MESSAGE HERE STADIUM.

5. The team's farm system switches over from player development to organic lettuce.

6. Instead of signs, your catcher uses second hand smoke signals.

7. The pitching coach keeps confusing Altoids with steroids. As a result, the bullpen wins "The Freshest Breath In Baseball Award."

8. You've gone from endorsing cutting edge athletic wear to recommending which flavor of SunnyD goes best with three-day-old hot dogs.

9. The batting coach keeps confusing hemorrhoids with steroids. The umpires ban him from arguing close calls.

10. The ceremony to retire your number turns out to be an identity theft scam.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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