Eugenics professor hires Pippa Middleton to give birth to world's second human-Yeti hybrid
Cambridge, Massachusetts - "Sure wish it was the world's first human-Sasquatch cross," Prof Joseph Mengele-Flintstone said today, "unfortunately that hybrid's already gestating inside Pippa's sister Kate according to reports." The famous US Poison...
Read full storyGeneral Synod To Vote On A Boycott Of The Laws Of Physics
Controversy within the Church of England has intensified today on the eve of a crucial vote by the General Synod as to whether Christians should defy some of the laws of physics. 'We are sick of scientists not taking seriously our religious Truths...
Read full storyMan eats leather thong
A 50-year-old man was admitted to hospital after eating a leather thong in a vain attempt to cure stomach ache. Vegetarian Albert Tewsum, from Gateshead, had been suffering with severe tummy trouble for several days, after unknowingly eating some...
Read full storyJesse James shoots Ned Kelly!
Ned Kelly, Irish-catholic, Australian rebel and bandit has just been buried after he lost a shoot-out with Jesse James in heaven. The whole thing started after a fight in a saloon called "Heaven and Hell Whores and Nuns". Jesse called Ned an Irish...
Read full storyBoston Red Sox Marketing Department Proposals for 2013
In an effort to meet the demands of co-owner Tom Werner who wants the team to show more sex appeal and provide more soap opera life stories to the pink hat brigade, the Marketing Department is scrambling to keep their jobs. An inside expose, on a...
Read full storyLost in Translation…
Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a massive failure because of the following: 1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. 2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage"; meant. 3. In Afr...
Read full storyGerman gold reserves diverted to a Filipino household
During the Cold War, because of the continuing threat of the Soviet Bloc to launch World War 3, West Germany decided to spread its 300 tons of gold reserves to different banks around the world to preserve the stability of the economy of what is now s...
Read full storyNew York Mob Boss Talks About Gun Control
BROOKLYN - Salvatore Goombalini, head of the notorious Goombalini Family, has stated his opinion on gun control. The mafioso whose business card reads: Goombalini's Restaurant Supplies, commented to Sinclair Petaluma with Political Salad Bar Magaz...
Read full storyThe TSA Says Bye-Bye To Airport Body Scanners
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After embarrassing millions of airport travelers, the Transportation Security Administration has announced that within five months all airport full-body scanners will be unplugged and removed from all of the nation's airports. T...
Read full storyPresident Obama Vows To Ban Gun Shows
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Reacting to the demands of several gun control advocate groups in America, President Obama has promised that he will set plans in motion to outlaw gun shows. This comes as a result of the shooting in Raleigh, North Carolina, at...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Very Depressed Over Swatting Incident
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kim "Baby Bump" Kardashian has just informed the entertainment media that she is so angry and so depressed about the latest swatting incident that she could literally spit screws. The still married girlfriend of Kanye West was re...
Read full storyUS legal system seduced by 'Armstrong Appeal'
The recent heart-warming words of Lance Armstrong have inspired a wave of appeals from prisoners on Death Row in America to commute their sentences to a 'life-time ban from competitive cycling'. US legal experts are said to be scratching their he...
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