Gronk Finds the Cure Worse than the Illness
Gronk has gone viral, and it has nothing to do with social media. Gronk may be more bacterial than virus-based when it comes to infected tissue. Playbook of the Western World and Eastern Division, Rob Gronkowski pulled out of the ultimate party in...
Read full storyBlair admits that Iraq is not the place for a perfect holiday in the sun!
Before Blair and Bush invaded Iraq they had plans of turning the country into one of most popular holiday destinations after Dubai and the Isle of Dogs. In a BBSee interview, Blair admitted that the plan has dismally failed and Billy Butlins would...
Read full storyCryogenic Storage Facility Workers Caught Bowling With Frozen Heads
Six workers at a local cryogenics storage facility are out of a job after being caught bowling with frozen human heads early Tuesday morning. Police say a security guard heard laughing and shouting around 3:00am and discovered the intoxicated wo...
Read full storyUS Government Might Turn Over Air Traffic Control to Bird Watchers
If the mandatory budget cuts known as sequestration go into effect in a few days, the Federal Aviation Administration says it will have no choice but to turn over air traffic control services to bird watchers. "I think it'll work out great," sai...
Read full storyCrytologists Investigating Weird Beast Washed Ashore In Wales
A grotesque, bloated beast has been found washed ashore by a dog walker in Tenby, West Wales. The hideous, "Beast of Tenby" has a bloated body, which is partially covered in dark fur. It looks like a hybrid, of a dog, horse and a pig. It's mouth...
Read full storyLib Dem 'inappropriate conduct' victim says nine other women 'involved' in case
A woman at the centre of the inappropriate conduct case has said that she believes that there are nine other women involved in the case. It also emerged today that both Nick Clegg and David Cameron knew of the accusations. In a statement released...
Read full storyAlex Salmond and Cristina Kirchner 'joined at the hip' says energy security think tank
North Sea - Claims to North Sea oil and gas by the Scottish separatists' leader have been likened to Argentine President Cristina 'Mad Dog' Kirchner's obsession with the Falklands Islands a leading think tank said today. "Neither has a hope in he...
Read full storyTom Cruise To Set Up Own Version Of Academy Awards
Vertically challenged actor Tom Cruise has announced he is to create his own Academy Award show as an alternative to what he claims is "the back slapping and mutual masturbation club that is the Oscars". Cruise, 4ft 10, made the announcement aft...
Read full storyBBC to adopt the Vague Temperature Scale on weather reports
After complaints that the BBC's latest attempts to get across how cold it is are worse than useless, the BBC have turned to professor Cryan Box for permission to use his vague temperature scale. In the past, the BBC told people what the temperatur...
Read full storySteve McClaren Sacked Over Language Barrier
Former England manager Steve McClaren has left his role as coach of the Dutch club FC Twente the day after holding talks with chairman Joop Munsterman over what the latter called 'language difficulties'. Munsterman said: "We can't understand hi...
Read full storyQuvenzhane Wallis and the Onion
Sympathetic critics came out to attack the Onion because they used Quvenzhane Wallis in satirical comedy. The satire was innocent, but critics quickly made it out to be something that it was not. This is the original concept of the Onion writer:...
Read full storyJustin Bieber's Shocking Admission
RALEIGH, North Carolina - Justin Bieber traveled to Raleigh to visit a fan who was having her tonsils removed at The General Stonewall Jackson General Hospital. After visiting the fan identified as 13-year-old Tyler "Tweety" Windenwalker, he spoke...
Read full storySimon Cowell's X Factor Reams Famous American Idols
What would have happened if Simon Cowell, the inspiration and chief executioner for the wildly popular X Factor show had been around to judge the big stars of American music before they became legends. Just how many of them would have survived the gauntlet of his withering criticism? I think many would have curled up under his sarcasm like slugs deluged by salt and withered away. Let's take a...
Read full storyWhy Gun Companies Love Obama
It's hard to watch the news for five minutes without hearing "The government / police / aliens / Liberals / 'Mickey Mouse' Club are on their way to your house right F*ing now to take your guns!" The internet is a buzzing with the news that New York is creating harsh anti-gun regulations. The US Congress has held hearings where they invited industry experts to tell them facts and stories while...
Read full storyMissouri Bans Facial Tattoos
JEFFERSON CITY, Missouri - The state known as The Show Me State has just voted to ban the practice of facial tattoos. State Senator Dominic Crackerwine [R-Joplin] stated that the state senate vote was 23-11 in favor of doing away with the facial i...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Comments on Her Recent Upskirt Exposure
BEVERLY HILLS - Kate Gosselin's limo pulled up to FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive and instantly half a dozen members of the LaLaLand paparazzi were ready to pounce on her camera-wise. And Kate The Great, as ex-boyfriend Steven Tyl...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen's Got The Hots For Lindsay Lohan
VENICE BEACH - Charlie Sheen was in Venice Beach getting a brand new tattoo from one of the country's most noted tattoo artist Bong Bong. As he was leaving the tattoo parlor he was approached by Pia Confetti with The El Lay Informer. She asked...
Read full storyWorld wide Welsh celebrate Swansea Capital One Cup Final win
Welsh people around the world today reacted with glee as they rejoiced the first ever trophy for Swansea Football Club in their centenary year. Michael Douglas, an American actor with two first names and no surname, married to actress Catherine Ze...
Read full story£1 fish drawn into horse-meat scandal
The £1 fish man was today drawn into the horse-meat scandal when a disgruntled colleague on a neighbouring stall in Green street claimed the fish he was selling were actually horses. The colleague who asked not to be named claimed that the only re...
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