School District Hires Porn Stars to Teach Sex Ed Classes
(Corry, PA) - In what will be known as one of the most progressive decisions in academic history, the members of the Corry Area School District of Erie County Pennsylvania have voted to allow porn stars, Raven Gavina and Brock Lancer, to join their f...
Read full storyChris Matthews: The Unauthorized Biography
To show that he believed in "giving back" even before he had anything to give back, MSNBC's Chris Matthews went to Africa as a recent college graduate to serve on the Peace Corps. Then, to avoid work, he got on the public dole immediately upon his return stateside, working as an aide in the U. S. Senate. Because he had a way with words, if not with women, Matthews became a speechwriter, scripting...
Read full storyMike Tyson Jumps Into New York City Mayoral Race
NEW YORK, NY - Shortly after being named "Power Player of the Week" by Fox News's Mike Wallace, Mike Tyson announced that he will be jumping into the New York City Mayoral Race. Asked about Anthony Weiner's trials and tribulations, Mr. Tyson state...
Read full storyWeiner Caught Stuffing His Package into Women's Boxes While They Slept
NEW YORK, NY - Mayoral hopeful, Anthony Weiner, was caught stuffing his package into mail boxes. When asked, Weiner said that "as long as you don't stick the package in all the way, it's OK." Anthony Weiner, walking the streets in Queens NY yester...
Read full storyRemains of Dolomites Mastiff discovered in 'Mona Lisa' tomb
Florence, Italy - "Whoever this woman was she was a dog alright," pit digger Guido Mortadella at the Martyr's Crypt at the Church of Santissima Annunziata told reporters today as news of the forensic breakthrough went viral. Weeks of painstaking e...
Read full storyJobless rat hits another record
An unemployed rat has again caused damage in BBC Radio Gateshead's studio. DJ Ike Anspinnem was getting ready to play an old record by the BoomTown Rats when the jobless rat leapt on to the turn-table and hit the record with its front paws and hea...
Read full storyKu Klux Klan Changes Mind About Ted Nugent
Waco Texas - The Grand Dragon of the local branch of the Ku Klux Klan announced at a press conference today that they have reluctantly decided not to offer an honorary membership to Ted Nugent. "Ted certainly has the right mindset to be one of...
Read full storyBoehner Steps Down as House Majority Leader; Appoints Wife's Toy Poodle in His Stead
WASHINGTON, D.C.--After tweeting, "Fuck it! My wife's toy poodle could get more done with these guys than I can!", the besieged Speaker of the House stepped down on Friday to allow his wife's toy poodle, Knuckles, to take over as Majority Leader.
Read full storyThe BIG heavy weight fight night: Brendan Rodgers vs. Luis Suarez!
Liverpool, This is ANFIELD: The gift that keeps on giving! In the 'want to leave RED corner', we have Luis Suarez who says he wants out of Liverpool, going on about how he was promised he could leave and how that promise is being broken. In t...
Read full storyMen Breaking Rule, Dating Older Women
It is well known that men, after a divorce, look for a woman half their age plus 10 years. Recently, some men have secretly been breaking this rule and going for older women. "There are so many advantages to dating and marrying older women," explains "Tom," who asked for his name to be changed to prevent heckling from his buddies. "Other men may think I'm crazy, but these women are great. I do...
Read full storyWhite Russian Zombies in Singapore Sling Pink Squirrels While Bahama Mama Has Screaming Orgasm After Sex On The Beach During Hurricane Relief Effort
SINGAPORE - A bizarre chain of events after Hurricane Vamei resulted in the arrest of two white Russian zombies and one Afro-Bahamian prostitute. Following the devastation of the Singapore Coast by Hurricane Vamei, the President of Russia, Vladami...
Read full storyThe Worst of the Bulwer-Lytton Rejects
Confession time. It's time to confess a secret heartbreak. Every year I submit to a contest called the Edward Bulwer-Lytton contest, but I have never even received an honorable mention. It's a contest for the worst sentence, or paragraph. It's a lot of fun to write badly. There's less pressure. Trying to write well puts tremendous strain on an author. The contest is named for Edward Bulwer-Lyt...
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