Dating App Allows Users to Skip the Talking
Well-known mobile dating application Tinder has slowly begun to loose its users interest. Considered a progressive way to "break the ice", the app quickly sparked interest amongst fourteen to forty-seven year olds, and had 35,000,000 pictures rated...
Read full storyHiggs Bosom Discovers Earth Is A Reality Show For The Universe - The Ratings Are Low
There have been many confident announcements by physicists about the latest success of the Hadron Collider, (not to be confused with a fender bender). The Collider is located in a 17 mile ring beneath Switzerland, (land of chocolate and fondue) and F...
Read full storyEmployee Injured Trying to Hit the Ground Running
Barney Stickles, a 40-year old employee of a local public relations company, suffered multiple abrasions and bruises today in an accident after his boss directed him to hit the ground running. "He got skinned up pretty bad," said said paramedic F...
Read full storyPolitician Quits to Spend More Time With Someone Else's Family
Local congressman Dickie Scribbles announced that he will resign next month in order to spend more time with someone else's family. "My family is okay," said Scribbles. "I mean, they're nice people and all, but I really like my neighbor's wife a...
Read full storyOrganisers of celebration Thatcher parties have promised Blair parties to follow "for balance"
In many parts of the UK people, mainly from the left side of life, have been celebrating Maggie Thatchers death by boozing all night. Some politicians find ths behaviour disrespectful; well maybe they should ask dead coalminers their opinions.. H...
Read full storyKorean tyrant buys world domination plan from US defense firm
Pyongyang, North Korea -- Spring is the season when a young man's fancy turns toward world domination. And so it goes with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, who recently purchased a blueprint to take over the world from an unnamed US defense contrac...
Read full storyRed Sox Come Up Short at the Stopper Position
The Red Sox plan to send Jose Iglesias back to the minor leagues. Having the highest batting average on the team and instrumental in helping win the majority of early week games, Iglesias must feel like one of the boat people, sailing back to Pawt...
Read full storySuicide bombings on the decline
Muslim "suicide bombers" in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unres...
Read full story'Prescient' Taiwan TV predicts Queen Elizabeth RIP
Taiwan - News of Mrs Thatcher's death has been broadcast as a spoiler by Taiwan national TV which reported that Queen Elizabeth's own RIP 'will probably coincide with Wednesday's awesome Aries New Moon'. The notoriously superstitious island state'...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Senior fears release of Thatcher sex tapes
Texas - The eldest of Hitler's Pope Pius XII's illegitimate brats Bush Senior had a decades long fling with Margaret Thatcher who has died in London aged 87. The Cold War throwback pair even produced a son whose IRA antics shocked the nation befor...
Read full storyDennis Rodman to represent President Obama at Thatcher's funeral next week
Washington - "He's the only one with the stomach for it, Mr President," a White House aide said today as Dennis Rodman drew the short straw to represent his country at the Brit despot's funeral next week. Rodman will mingle with a curious ragbag o...
Read full storyDWP accused in Thatcher death
A lowly clerk working in the Department of Work and Pensions was today accused of murdering Margaret Thatcher this morning, following the revelation that the former Prime Minister died after reading a letter from the clerk informing the Baroness that...
Read full storyMan furious at Facebook friends who didn't wish him happy birthday
LOS ANGELES, CA--The day after Zach Rowland's 29th birthday proved a source of anxiety rather than joy, as the video editor reportedly spent his day fuming at his 241 Facebook friends that didn't extend him birthday wishes on his timeline. "What,...
Read full storyShakira's Ex-Boyfriend $uing Her For $100 Million!
EL SEGUNDO, California - Shakira had just finished having breakfast at The Giggling Guacamole Restaurant in El Segundo when she was approached by Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight. He told the 36-year-old stunning blonde that she has never...
Read full storyDonald Trump Bounces Dennis Rodman Off Of Celebrity Apprentice
MANHATTAN - Dennis Rodman, the former NBA basketball star, was the sixth celebrity to be fired by Donald Trump on this season's edition of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice. Dennis, who has more bling on his face than all of the teens in Iowa combined...
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