DWP accused in Thatcher death

Funny story written by ranger121

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

image for DWP accused in Thatcher death
A "Deadly" Mail Box, used for sending letters.

A lowly clerk working in the Department of Work and Pensions was today accused of murdering Margaret Thatcher this morning, following the revelation that the former Prime Minister died after reading a letter from the clerk informing the Baroness that ATOS healthcare had decided that she was "Fit for work", and requesting that she should report to the nearest jobcentre for an immediate start on the work programme, probably stacking shelves in Poundland for at least 16 weeks of unpaid work. This is in line with government policy that Thatcher herself introduced in the 1980s when she put 200,000 miners out of work for no reason at all, other than the fact they got their hands dirty and had the nerve to ask for a fair day's pay.

The Department had already noticed that the Baroness was living in a flash hotel instead of the penthouse suite at Nelson Mandela Towers, Hackney, which had been allocated to her following the government's decision to move all taxpayer-funded council house tenants into housing with one less bedroom than they actually need.

The Department were about to serve an enforcement notice on Thatcher to force her to move to the tower-block and leave the bedroom at the Ritz free for a group of 19 asylum seekers who were on their way from Syria with a girl who had been shot in the head because she'd told her father she quite fancied going to school that day.

The government department that sent the letter to Thatcher was today slammed by campaigning groups who stated that it was no co-incidence that the letter had arrived on the day that she had died, and that there was a direct correlation between reading benefit-related letters and severe stroke, proven by a recent spike in letter-related deaths, as revealed by the Mail On Sunday. They accuse the DWP of "Murder By Laser Printer".

It was claimed by the group that 300,000 lives could be saved each year if the DWP stopped sending out letters altogether.

The DWP has denied sending the letter altogether, stating that firstly, it would be unlikely that a clerk would have permission to send out any letters within three weeks of a bank holiday, and the likelihood of the Royal Mail delivering it within a month, or in fact ever, was extremely slim indeed.

Police investigating the sending of the letter stated that enquiries were ongoing, and it is probable that further arrests will be made in the near future, depending on shift patterns and whether any children had possibly been involved more than 30 years ago.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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