Higgs Bosom Discovers Earth Is A Reality Show For The Universe - The Ratings Are Low

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

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There have been many confident announcements by physicists about the latest success of the Hadron Collider, (not to be confused with a fender bender). The Collider is located in a 17 mile ring beneath Switzerland, (land of chocolate and fondue) and France, (land of escargot and crème brulee), and physicists say they have found the "god particle" and the true meaning of why and how the world was created by you know who.

Like any lady is going to give away her secrets.

Anyway, physicists claim, (and who is going to contradict the brotherhood of physicists) they've found the origin of mass, or how things acquire their mass or how mass sticks together. Who knew that glue was a mystery in need of discovery or that it would cost $10 billion to build the Hadron Collider to make that discovery?

Physicists announced that there were still more discoveries to be made. Sounded like positive news, as the chemical reaction of gluey substance doesn't justify the $10 billion expense, but their next challenge is to be gravity. Gravity? Didn't Isaac Newton already nail that one: Things fall down and not up, so what's the mystery?

And then there's another project: The 98% of dark matter in the universe.

That's called 'nighttime' people. It's far away and distance makes for darkness. The sun can't shine that far. Or, as Woody Allen wrote, "What is that your business?"

All these announcements about discovering the Higgs Bosom is just a cover up for what was uncovered. Like the Dead Sea Scrolls, (which have never fully been disclosed or translated even with today's super computer technology) physicists have made a humbling discovery and they are reluctant to disclose the truth.

The Spoof uncovered the truth using Jimmy Choo footwork, clandestine meetings in parking lots, but no telephone hacking: Planet earth was created as a reality show for other planets in the universe to watch for entertainment, and planet earth is receiving very low ratings. Earth is boring.

Low ratings mean cancellation, and perhaps that's the real reason physicists have a renewed interest in Isaac Newton.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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