Pilot Refuses to Land Plane after Receiving Bomb Threat
Airline Pilot Peter Paranoid has simply refused to land his Bombastic Airlines plane at the Newark, New Jersey Airport as ordered after authorities received a threat there was a bomb aboard the plane. "Not Again! Oh my God! Not fucking again!"...
Read full storyForever Young: Elderly Girl Shares Her Priceless Strategies
Elderly Girl adores elderly people. They exude a sweetness and softness that is quite special. They have a vulnerability that is touching. They have patience, bravery and wisdom. Elderly Girl is glad they exist. She just doesn't want to be one of them. Instead, she has become a kick-ass person, a hell-raiser, an enigma, a renegade. Much to her surprise, she has turned back the...
Read full storyElderly Girl Turns Aging into a Sexy New Fad
Thank god, bladder incontinence has become trendy. It's about time! Elderly Girl inspired billions of people to regard elderliness as alluring, sassy and brilliant. Now, hundreds of profit-mad companies have succumbed to her voluptuous wisdom by creating products that have turned 80-year-olds into the new hip-hop generation. She has urged the Obama Administration to award the Medal o...
Read full storyJustin Theroux Having Second Thoughts About Marrying Jennifer Aniston
NEW YORK CITY - Justin Theroux was in the Big Apple celebrating the upcoming marriage of one of his closest friends Dr. Mondello F. Barsillian, an unemployed dentist. Theroux was asked about his upcoming marriage to Jennifer Aniston and the 41-yea...
Read full storyThe Village Idiot
The village idiot has been recognised as a legitimate occupation since the thirteenth century. Edward the first (Longshanks) sent his own idiot, John Major, to Scotland with a mocking message for William Wallace, however, the idiot presented the verbal insult to King Gruffudd of Wales. Since that day to this, the slight has never been forgiven and the two nations still spit at each other. I...
Read full storyWas Saad al-Hilli assassinated over WMD 'dodgy dossier'?
London - Detectives probing the Alpine massacre of the Iraqi-born satellite communications expert have reopened al-Hilli's Special Branch file. A raft of British newspaper stories this weekend paint a vivid picture of covert surveillance on foreig...
Read full storyQueen's official Farewell Tour launches on Monday
Balmoral, Scotland - Successful milking of public credulity with that Diamond Jubilee malarkey now sees HM hog the limelight in a personal stab at The Great Escape. Monday's launch under a brilliant 17-degrees Virgo Sun/Mercury conjunction trigger...
Read full storyGolden Days for the Red Sox Go Bust
Bobby Valentine has become the new alchemy standard of baseball managers in a field of semi-precious gold nuggets. Alchemy is not fool's gold, but is a loose science that comes up with real gold through artificial chemistry. Those who spent liv...
Read full storyMy 'You Had to be there' Moments' W/e September 8th 2012
Monday Last song I hear before leaving the house is Call Me Maybe by Carly someone or other (Ok its Jepson - I'm embarrassed I know that, but I'm claiming its research) The song is stuck in my head for THE WHOLE DAY. And now it's in yours. That is how life works. Tuesday There's A Mouse loose Aboot the house. We put down glue traps in kitchen corners. Mouse doesn't fall for (into) them. Not...
Read full storyNadya Suleman AKA OctoMom Has Never Heard of Mitt Romney
LA HABRA - Nadya Suleman recently sat down with Moltenberry Babineaux of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle and revealed a lot about herself. Right off the bat when Babineaux asked her if she was for President Barack Obama or for Mitt Romney, she g...
Read full storyFootball Gossip - WORLD CUP QUALIFYING September 2012
Moldova 0 England 5 Moldova were rolled over by The Three Lions. Two goals from Frank Lampard, one from Jermaine Defoe and first international strikes from James Milner and Leighton Baines. I think even Leyton Orient might have scored against Moldova. Scotland 0 Serbia 0 Manager Craig Levein told the press conference he believed that his team could win all 10 qualifying games. He was wrong.
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