Balmoral, Scotland - Successful milking of public credulity with that Diamond Jubilee malarkey now sees HM hog the limelight in a personal stab at The Great Escape.
Monday's launch under a brilliant 17-degrees Virgo Sun/Mercury conjunction triggers the start of a lavish Farewell Tour.
Coalition government floodgates will open yet another taxpayer-funded binge because of the paucity of complaints about all the other royal 'austerity' measures.
"Pity about the dead pooch, of course," a royal translator of the canine entrails commented at news that an ancient Corgi had to be sacrificed by Hellfire Club soothsayers.
Some magnificent aspect in Canis Major saw thirteen year-old Monty ritually spatchcocked this weekend at a Balmoral altar satanic ceremony.
His eviscerated innards formed a big Pound Sterling sign which Hellfire soothsayers said was 'very favorable' if you discount the alternative, coffin-shaped interpretation.
Online bookies go even money for Queen Elizabeth popping her clogs on Monday 10 September in a betting industry reaction that's bound to suit the City.
Prince Philip's own life expectancy is rated as 'slightly better than the corgi'.
But at least he now has a brand new leash.
