Missouri's Akin: 'My opponent is not a legitimate lady!'
KANSAS CITY, MO (ABSNN) - In a Kansas City news conference today, Republican challenger Todd Akin, of "Legitimate Rape" fame accused incumbent US Senator Claire McCaskill of acting "unladylike," during Wednesday's TV and radio debate. "It beg...
Read full storyMy life as a man #11
Dating, workplace, perils of... I am getting to know a few of my readers here, and those of you with whom I chat online know that I do research in archives and photography--mostly about military history and especially regarding the US Civil War. Yes, in real life, I am a geek, to the bone. When women find out what I do they are polite, express absolutely no interest, and move on to the lepe...
Read full storyIran news agency falls for Obama Spoof
Iran - The Tehran Aintgottaprayer.con News Agency is in hot water tonight after falling for a Spoof story that the 'Muslim President' of the United States is taking a second wife. The agency syndicated the Spoof article claiming a wealthy US phil...
Read full storyMegan Stammers Working Herself Up For A Full On Tantrum
Grave concerns are being expressed by family and friends of Megan Stammers that a tearful reunion with her parents, Tracy and Martin, her stepfather, seems highly unlikely. Those closest to 15 year old schoolgirl Megan - who eloped with her marrie...
Read full storyVatican: Jesus was a single, confident heterosexual!
VATICAN CITY (ABSNN) - It is a fake, the papyrus fragment that claims Jesus was married, that is. According to today's issue of the Vatican's newspaper, L'Observatore Romano, "Substantial reasons would lead one to conclude that the papyrus is inde...
Read full storyIn nomine pubis et filii et spiritus sancti - Catholic pube row continues to escalate
Sister Flacid Matriach, Mother Superior of The Last Evacuation of Christ, a cloister of silent bald nuns in the Holy Land, have vehemently denied any involvement in the Pubes for Pews scandal which surfaced this Monday. Talking through an interpr...
Read full storyUSA a smugglers paradise; drugs in the South and cheese in the North!
The US border guards have got quite a problem on their hands because they just cannot stop smugglers invading the country from all sides! Mexican smugglers in the south enjoy a free for all whilst dodging dodgy border guards who seem to arrest Mex...
Read full storyCuriosity Kills Martian Cat
Is there life on Mars? It's a question that millions of people have asked. Well, the answer? Yes and no. Early this morning NASA's Curiosity Rover send back pictures of what appeared to be a Martian type of cat. Unfortunately several minutes l...
Read full storyShuffling Off to Buffalo: Do Patriots Pay the Bills?
The Patriots are in knots-and sending flowers is premature. There is still some life left in Belichick's minions. The happy hours of many victories have evaporated and the 2012 honeymoon is already over. Fans are no longer adoring the Josh McDanie...
Read full storyExchequer spread bets away UK coffers on Facebook shares
A source in the Government has revealed that persons high up in the treasury have lost all the UK gold resources spread betting them away on the Facebook share offering. "We thought we could gamble our way out of debt with 80% used buying the shar...
Read full storyHoffa found in secret hiding place
Washington, USA. In breaking news, notorious crime boss Jimmy Hoffa has been found in the ceiling loft of a suburban Cleveland tenement. The formally ever present Teamster's representative has not been seen since 1974 when he mysteriously disappeared...
Read full storyCameron's educational record to be looked into
Serious questions are being asked about the educational record of Prime Minister David Cameron. This after he was foxed by simple questions by American TV host David Letterman. Cameron spent his school years at Eton College a school which makes Latin...
Read full storyMy life as a man #10
I've been accused of being a grumpy old man; it is true, I am. Some folk, mostly shrinks, ask me why I am so grouchy all the time; is it nature or nurture? I live for this question! It is both in my nature to be grumpy, and my nurturing assures I shall never change. Seven European families make up the sum of my gene pool. It was pissed in, repeatedly, by the women who swam there. Two...
Read full storyGoodbye to Pew
Reverend Dicker stood in the pulpit and looked out onto his congregation. He had done this every Sunday for thirty years. Today would be his last sermon before retiring to the sunny isle of Capri. The church was full, as usual, with the usual people. Gods flock all bleating to the same tune. While waiting for the hymn to finish, Dicker took another swig from his hip flask. "Good morning bro...
Read full storyKatie Holmes Looking For A Boy-Toy
NEW YORK CITY - Newly divorced Katie Holmes recently sat down at Le Loins of Joan of Arc French Restaurant in Manhattan and talked with Tahiti Zeppelin of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres. The 33-year-old ex-wife of Tom Cruise made it very clear that she...
Read full storyRob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Are Finally Back Together
LOS ANGELES - Liz and Dick did it. So did Robert and Natalie. Those two famous couples Taylor, Burton, Wagner, and Wood married divorced and remarried. Now Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were never married but for all practical purposes they ma...
Read full storyAnonymous Attack Cripples Grocery Chain
Arlington, KY - The cyber-criminal organization Anonymous claimed another victory against corporate America by simultaneously shutting down three self-checkout stands at a local grocery store. A mildly irritated crowd of five waited for moments...
Read full storyMinnie the Mermaid Speaks Out Against the Stalking of Sharks
Wearing a Donna Karan tube dress of soft pink and diamond jewelry by Harry Winston, Minnie held a press conference in NYC yesterday off a pier at the South Street Seaport in lower Manhattan. She attracted a big crowd and spoke for ten minutes straig...
Read full storyRihanna Furious At Chris Brown - Nicole Scherzinger Kiss
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Stand up comedian Zydeco Dupree was performing his comedy routine at The Giggle Giggle Comedy Club before a packed house. After making his Nancy Pelosi - Paul "Little Bunny Foo Foo" Ryan joke he acknowledged that Chris Brown and N...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Says She'll Be A Kennedy
NASHVILLE - Taylor Swift has sold over 22 million albums and has appeared on episodes of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Two and A Half Men, and The Cupcake Wars. She has also dated the likes of well-known Hollywood personalities such as Joe Jonas...
Read full storyDid Kate Gosselin use a wooden spoon?
WYOMISSING PA (ABSNN) - Did Kate (plus 8) Gosselin hit her children with wooden spoons? Did she twirl them around by the hair? Did she bitch-slap them in their little beds? "Yes, and more than that," says author Robert Hoffman in his just releas...
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