Southampton to be relegated by Halloween claims local man
Southampton were tipped to be the first team to be 'mathematically relegated by Hallowen' last night as the Saints struggled to pick up a point in a tough opening month. Local man Mark Le Tissueface told local paper 'The News' the 'Adkins diet' wasn'...
Read full storyAl Qaeda's Number 2 will fund "Jesus the Pussy Whupped" movie
BUMFUCK EGYPT (ABSNN) - The second highest ranking leader of the radical Islamic fundamentalist sect Al Qaeda has announced that he will personally fund the making of a new motion picture, "Jesus the Pussy Whupped". "Our budget is unlimited. This...
Read full storyHarvard Prof finds 'Honey Do' list from Jesus' wife!
HARVARD UNIVERSITY (ABSNN)- Dr. Karen L. King, a Harvard Divinity School professor, has discovered a scrap of parchment written by the wife of Jesus Christ. The announcement of the discovery was made at an international conference of Coptic schola...
Read full storyObama's Head To Be Enclosed In Hermetically Sealed Bubble During Romney Debate
BILLINGSGATE POST - ELECTION SPECIAL - In a face saving development that could potentially change the way voters look at presidential candidates, the handlers of Barack Obama requested that his head be put into a hermetically sealed bubble so that Mi...
Read full storySex Offenders come back on the offensive
Sir Geoffrey Punt, prominent MP for the East Anglia area has come forward and delivered the most stinging attack on the UKs immigration policy. "Thousands of foreign criminals and sex offenders are roaming our streets like packs of wild dogs. Pre...
Read full storyObama's Brewing While America's Stewing
Do you know what's really special if you are unemployed, homeless, hungry, despondent, uneducated, bankrupt, and chronically ill? It's having a cold, frosty beer, you fool! And President Obama, having utterly failed at every other "solution" to our rapidly imploding country, is busy in his own little White House brewery, concocting an elixir that will make us feel happy and carefree,...
Read full storyRomney's multi-billionaire backer doesn't like Palestinians either!
After another presidential mega-gaffa dropped by Mitt Romney reached the ears of the public it was obvious who is backing his campaign to boot liberal Obama out of office. One of Mitt's multi-billionaire backers vowed to throw $100.000000,00 into...
Read full storyUproar in UK as story of man who marries a 7 year-old girl is premiered in Iran
There was shock, horror, more shock and even more horror in the UK as a film charting the adventures of a man who married a 7 year-old girl was premiered in Tehran today. Titled "Prophet or Lolitas", the film consists of an incredibly flimsy scrip...
Read full storyDawn French Reveals Secret Regime That Maintains Her Roly- Poly Figure
Cuddly funny gal Dawn French has finally revealed how she maintains her "full-figure" look which has helped the chubby comedienne be regularly cast as a fat, overweight, obese or frumpy middle aged woman for the last 30 years. "Quite simply I ea...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 18th September 2012
Ace Michael Owen nets thief after watching raid on CCTV Full Story: The Sun He's got used to watching the action sitting down after being on the bench at Man United for so long... Felippe 'Big Phil' Scolari wants to return to manage in England after getting the push from Palmeires.... Full Story: Talksport Big Phil looking for a big job, I suggest he watches this space at West Ham to replac...
Read full storyThe hunt is on for the last cat to appear on the internet
Amateur photographers and YouTube videographers are on the hunt for the only cat in the world not to have had it's photo taken or been videoed doing something cute and/or amusing. "We believe the cat is in the Dorking area," said Simon Ease, who i...
Read full storyApollo Moon Landings hoaxers behind fake Prince Harry Afghan footage
Southern England - "It's Oscar-winning stuff of the highest quality," Major General Sir Monty Dambusta has told delighted MoD bosses at a progress meeting. "We've even got that 'Borat' actor chappie who plays Hamid Karzai for some cameo shots in t...
Read full storyRomney writes off 47% of the voters as "Trailer Trash"
SUNSHINE MOBILE HOME PARK, FL (ABSNN) - Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney visited a mobile home park deep within Florida's Sun Coast on Tuesday. He was shocked to learn that 47% per cent of all US citizens live in "long, narrow boxes sided...
Read full storyReplacing the Replacement Refs: Time to Change Their Stripes
It's not in the Cards! It's not in the stars either. The problem, dear Brutus, is in the "replacement" refs. Yes, a half dozen upsets in a week's schedule should indicate that something is afoot-and it isn't the game, Watson. Read'em and...
Read full storyKate Middleton Considering Breast Augmentation Surgery
LONDON - England's Tickety Boo News is reporting that Kate Middleton is devastated over the topless photos that were secretly taken of her. Neville Twickenbuck of TBN stated that an unnamed highly reliable source has made it known that the Duchess...
Read full storySimon Cowell Says President Obama Is A Much Better Singer Than Mitt Romney
HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell, the Englishman with the golden touch when it comes to television reality shows was sitting in his X-Factor dressing room smoking a Marlboro and drinking a glass of Lowenbrau Beer. He was asked by Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine's...
Read full storyRomney opens mouth to change feet
BOSTON (ABSNN) - Republican Presiential nominee Mitt Romney, hard on the heels of his foreign policy coup of last week, defended his stand that Barack Obama is a Muslim apologist. And he managed to alienate a few more government workers in the barga...
Read full storyMany Americans Also Frustrated by Movies
The angry riots throughout North Africa and the Middle East over an anti-Islamic movie have sparked intense discussion about American foreign policy and the limits of freedom of speech and religion. While the violent reactions of some extremist group...
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