Romney opens mouth to change feet

Funny story written by Francois Dubois, S.J.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

image for Romney opens mouth to change feet
Ann romney with P.E.T.A. simulated blood running down her face.

BOSTON (ABSNN) - Republican Presiential nominee Mitt Romney, hard on the heels of his foreign policy coup of last week, defended his stand that Barack Obama is a Muslim apologist. And he managed to alienate a few more government workers in the bargain.

"In this President, we have a man who bows at the waist to those nasty Arabs. We have a President who is more concerned with the feelings of those who want us dead, than concern for the men and women, Christians all, who put him into high office and expect him to protect and defend the Consitution of the United States," he said in an afternoon rally on the Boston Commons.

Romney's remarks were heard by a crowd the Secret Service estimated at "nearly thirty."

This reporter counted twenty-two. Sixteen of them were anti-Romney protesters, eight of whom were from P.E.T.A. It also appeared that the six remaining "spectators" were homeless alcoholics and drug addicts. They were asleep in front of the podium.

What made today's "rally" unique was that this was the first time Governor Romney has appeared before a crowd wearing a clown costume and make up. President Obama revealed his abnormal fear of clowns in an exclusive interview here last week. To the eyes of this reporter, Governor Romney looked very much like that most famous of all Chicago clowns, John Wayne Gacy.

Romney's bright, round, red nose lit up each time the crowd roared. The crowd roared often, in as much as sixteen people are capable of roaring.

Reporters asked the P.E.T.A. protestors why they were at the Romney rally.

"We're here to throw red dye, blood bombs, at Ann Romney's mink coat," said Julia Robertson, the Boston P.E.T.A. chairperson.

"Americans for animal liberation," she and the other seven P.E.T.A. protesters chanted in rhythm.

Then they threw several balloons filled with red dye at the prospective First Lady.

Ann Romney screamed as the blood red dye-filled balloons burst on her head, and stained her hair, her face, and her $450,000 mink coat.

And the crowd roared even more; they roared just as loud as she did while Governor Romney's nose lit up bright red in time with the chanting.

Mrs. Romney attempted to flee the stage but was restrained by her husband who shouted, "Sit down, damn you! Stop screaming. Never let them see fear in your eyes. They'll tear us to pieces."

"I insist the Secret Service Detail shoot them all," Mrs. Romney cried.

"The Secret Service agents work for Him," said Romney. "They are just part of the vast Muslim-loving Obama administration," he said to her and to the 'crowd.'"

It was after that remark the Secret Service Protection Detail left the scene, and left Romney to get out of the crowd alive, on his own.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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