Sir Jimmy Savile to be tried from beyond the grave
Prime Minister David Cameron will address the Conservative Party Conference next week with news of an announcement designed to increase their popularity by at least 15% - the dead corpse of Sir Jim'll Savile will be dug up and tried in a court of law...
Read full storyWoman's shock as Nick Clegg's missing USB turns up in bag of supermarket lollo rosso-stuff
Scotland - "I nearly dropped dead from shock, hinny," Kirkcudbrightshire pensioner Mrs Gladys Post-Mortem [sic] commented as news of her purchase went viral, "it's shaken me right back to my own salad daze." The retired Castle Douglas bacteriologi...
Read full storyHumpty Dumpty and Bobby V in Pieces as Season Ends
Bobby Valentine slipped on a Big Apple peel in New York City just as the season was going down. No, it was not a sneak attack from the Yankees. They don't need to resort to terrorist attacks on the Red Sox this season. Valentine fell head over hee...
Read full storyAmerican Idol: Nicki Minaj Threatens To Body Slam Mariah Carey
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina - Well it did not take long for fireworks to erupt at an American Idol audition. New judge Nicki Minaj exploded at fellow judge Mariah Carey and began cussing like she was a Washington state lumberjack fighting an out-of-...
Read full storyDante's Circles of Hell to Be Augmented - Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) develops initiative for Republican Party platform
Special to TNP - At his daily news conference, Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee (RNC), claimed that "a new version of Dante's Inferno is necessary to ensure the long-term health of the country. In fact, I anticipate that...
Read full storyPietersen Back For England
Controversial South African born England batsmen, Kevin Pietersen, has reached an agreement with the ECB that will see him return for the tour to India. The "provocative text" saga which has rumbled on since the summer series against South Africa...
Read full storyGaga wows in controversial new meat creation
Lady Gaga has once again covered her body in a meat based outfit. Following on from last years meat dress and the meat basque that she wore in September Gaga walked out for an encore in Austin, Texas wearing a meat lingerie set of bra, panties. suspe...
Read full storyMan sets fire to himself at home
A Gateshead man is recovering in hospital after setting himself on fire in a desperate plea for help and attention. For several years Albert Dullboddy (55), an unemployed traffic warden, had complained of being ignored at home. He had recently tak...
Read full storyMy life as a man #16
What's this mutual masturbation craze about? I believe I've mentioned here, once or twice, that I am attempting to get laid. Hour after hour I troll all of the sexual dating sites to check out women's profiles. I peruse their Sexual, Kinky, and Fetish Scales, and match them with mine, just to see if I measure up. I find that I lack one important arousal quotient that would make me more attr...
Read full story"King Obama" fortold in just discovered cave paintings
ORGAN CAVE WV - An amazing, and controversial, discovery was revealed inside a West Virginia cave this morning. A press pool was allowed to view and photograph a series of ten cave paintings that were discovered recently. Two paintings seem to be p...
Read full storySusan Boyle livid at news of Jimmy Savile
Popular singing sensation and "Britain's Got Premium Rate Phone Lines" runner-up Susan Boyle (known as SuBo to her friends or "Mad Scottish Woman" to her detractors), has thrown her weight - thought to be approaching 14 stone - into the foray regardi...
Read full storyIstanbul/Constantinople: Celtics/C's Visit
If you belong to a certain generation, you can sing it-but it could be rapped as well. The old song was performed by Bing Crosby, The Four Lads, and now the Boston Celtics. The Celtics are in Turkey, hoping they will not end up a fancy turkey...
Read full storyKhloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez Named Co-Hosts of X-Factor
LOS ANGELES - After months of considering literally hundreds of individuals for the coveted co-host positions on X-Factor, Simon Cowell has finally made his decision. He has announced to the Tinsel Town media corps that Khloe Kardashian, 28, and M...
Read full storyUS Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney Outsources Debate
DENVER, Colorado Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced he would outsource his spot at the podium in the first presidential debate. In a cost-cutting move, Romney will be represented by Mahatma Martin of the Mumbai, Indiana...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Joey Fatone Quick Steps On Home
HOLLYWOOD - Three couples found themselves in jeopardy in week three of the hit dancing reality show Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars. Season number one champion and General Hospital star Kelly Monaco just missed being in the Bottom Two.
Read full storyZac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens Talk About "The Zombie Chronicles"
LOS ANGELES - Charlene Belle Pinnzucker, director of the Epitome Network hit The Zombie Chronicles recently said that she has never worked with two nicer, more professional actors than Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. Efron, 24, stars as Sebastian L...
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