Jessica Simpson's Dad Discloses He Rides Sidesaddle
ENCINO, California - The Simpson household is in a world of turmoil as Jessica and Ashlee Simpson's dad, Joe has just quietly stepped out of the closet (now that's an oxymoron). Joe Simpson, 54, who has been married to Tina Simpson for 34 years, d...
Read full storyCharlie Brown and Lucy among Peanuts Gang members arrested today!
PEANUTVILLE, New York (ABSNN) - Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus and Pigpen, four ageless elementary school students at Peanutville Basic School, were hauled off to jail today on a "bullying" warrant sworn out by internet blogger Buz Bishop, AKA "Dad C...
Read full storySource Of Little Divot Food Poisoning Outbreak Revealed
'McNab's Kebabs' in the leafy village of Little Divot has been identified as the source of a recent food poisoning outbreak. Last Saturday night eight local clubbers were hospitalised after consuming kebabs following a night out at the 'Shit's and...
Read full storyUkrainian topless female protests are the "breast"!
Ukrainian women protesting topless in Kiev are certainly at the "front" of all global topless protestors because they have the most "front"! The women protesting for more womens rights in the Ukraine are determinded to get their grievances off of the...
Read full storyI, Rfreed, Announce My Candidacy For Dictator Of The United States, Shortly To Be Renamed The Slave States Of America.
I, rfreed, hereby announce my candidacy for Dictator of the United States of America. I realize that this is a little late in the campaign season to be announcing this, but dictators don't worry about such things. We know that as dictators, we can manipulate things in our favor. In this case I have wisely waited until the other two candidates have successfully eliminated all others in their party...
Read full storyStudents to be given cards
Every student, at universities across the country, will be given a Christmas card under a scheme to make them feel more welcome on campus. In order to qualify, students will have to attend at least one lecture before terms ends in mid-December. In...
Read full storyBristol "The Pistol" Palin Is Said To Be Very Depressed
WASILLA, Alaska - According to Bristol Palin's younger sister Willow, Bristol known as The Baby Moose, is devastated at having been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. Willow said that Bristy had told her that she was going to win the prestigi...
Read full storyHas Anyone Seen the Working Class?
Listening to the debates and to the ads this election season, we have all learned that the middle class is in serious need of government assistance. Jobs, lower taxes better health care. But what about the working class and the poor? No one evens mentions this. While we might expect this from the rich Republicans, even the Democrats and President Obama seem not to care any more. Is it possible...
Read full storyLeveling Our Way to Happiness
Barack Obama is known for his tolerance and his embrace of almost every aspect of human diversity. But he and his Vice President, Mr. Biden, have recently found themselves in the awkward and regrettable position of openly espousing at least two blatant prejudices. They do not like those who make too much money and they do not appear to tolerate anyone who disagrees with them on this point.
Read full storyAnd Now, An Offensive Word…
What a relief! Thanks to the Obama administration, which classified the Fort Hood shootings a matter of "workplace violence" and not "terror," we now know the way forward when it comes to those fratricidal shootings of our troops in Afghanistan, which are obviously the same kind of preventable workplace violence. Clearly supervisors need to do a better job of counseling armed Afghans who may fee...
Read full storyEva Longoria Breaks Up With Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez
NEW YORK CITY - The word on the streets of New York is that Eva Longoria, 37, broke up with boyfriend Mark Sanchez, the 25-year-old quarterback for the New York Jets due to pressure from the Jets organization. Longoria, speaking with Carolina Chip...
Read full storyCameron squirms at PMQ 'paedo ring at Number 10' claim
London - A Labour MP has stirred up the Jimmy Savile whornets nest with a crafty question about 'a paedophile ring' inside the government's seat of power at No 10. West Bromwich East MP Tom Watson stunned the House by asking for a review of police...
Read full storyMy life as a man #24
All is the way it should be! In the heart of every West Virginian is a storyteller. Our most famous spinner of yarns was the incomparable Pearl S. Buck. And while I'm no Pearl Buck; I do spin yarns. In my heart, dear readers, lives a poet. Unfortunately for you folks, that verser is a failed poet. My haiku is astoundingly bad. My free verse should be chained and hidden in a forgotten...
Read full story"Meet Me in St. Louis," But Patriots Prefer London
Yes, the home game of the St. Louis Rams is in London against the ultimate visitors, the New England Patriots who at least share the name England with the country where they play this week. If the Rams go on the tourist trap carousel, they may as...
Read full storyVal Chmerkovskiy and Kelly Monaco of Dancing With The Stars: The Va Va Voom Rumors
HOLLYWOOD - Members of the entertainment media have been speculating since the start of this season's Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars, that professional dancer Val Chmerkovskiy and General Hospital actress Kelly Monaco could be more than simply...
Read full storyCameron's latest prison policy lacks conviction
Owners of private prisons who fail to stop prisoners re-offending will be fined, under new plans to be announced by David Cameron. Heralding the slogan 'Tough But Chewy', the Prime Minister will signal a tougher approach to law and order by declarin...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Says She's Not Pregnant - Just Fat
TARZANA, California - Kim Kardashian and her boyfriend Kanye West were spotted at The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo, hand-feeding some of the animals. Kim was carrying around a 10 pound sack of petting zoo food while Kanye made call after call on...
Read full storySarah Palin Turning Into A Stick Woman
WASILLA, Alaska - News reports coming out of the Iceberg State, report that Todd Palin has confided in his salmon fishing guide that he is very worried about his wife Sarah. Mr. Palin told Miss Nanicka Zapalicka that just in the past month the old...
Read full storyMitt Romney Chosen as Cricket's Official Mascot
I recently had the opportunity to sit down with the Head of the International Cricket Council, Sir Edward Crowley, to speak about why the ICC had chosen Governor Mitt Romney as its new official mascot. BDF: Thank you for meeting with me today, Sir Edward. SEC: My pleasure, Bobby. Pleasure to be here. BDF: So let's get right to it. Why has the ICC chosen an American presidential candidate...
Read full story