Obama finally plays Mormon card
WASHINGTON, D.C.--In an unprecedented move, President Obama suspended his campaign today to address the nation from the White House, where he forcefully and unequivocally stated that Mitt Romney's Mormon faith should prohibit him from ever serving as...
Read full storyRon & Fred on Legs!
It's lunchtime at the pub again, with old Ron and Fred there as usual. RON: There yer go, Fred. Get that dahn yer me ol' son. FRED: Cheers. What was Jim sayin' to yer by the bar? I aint seen 'im fer mumfs. RON: Tellin' me 'baht 'is legs 'e was. Doctor's told 'im its wear n tear in 'is left knee. FRED: Well, we're all gettin' older, Ron. Fings all falin' apart now they are. RON:...
Read full storySolskjaer Fancies Fergies Job
Legendary former Manchester United striker Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has revealed he would relish the opportunity to manage his former club. The 'Baby Faced Assassin' as he's known at Old Trafford, despite never having assassinated anyone, currently ma...
Read full storyBenefits for all!
Labour leader 'Crazy Eddie' Miliband has taken another happy pill and vowed to deliver a 'living wage' to millions if he wins the next election in 2015. Always assuming that there will be anyone still working by May 7th 2015 Crazy Ed predicts the...
Read full storyBirmingham City Council's computerised phone system goes into 'meltdown'!
Brum, Land of the Brummies: Exasperated Brummies have been left with long waits and repeatedly been transferred to wrong Departments because the strong Brummie accent has baffled the voice recognition software. The Brummie twang causes the machin...
Read full storyOzzy Osbourne has brain surgically removed to prevent Alzheimer's
Ozzy's House - Following the lead of his wife who cut off her breast to prevent cancer, Ozzy has had most of his brain cut out in a bold attempt to prevent Alzheimer's. His wife had this to say. "I think it has really improved his disposition. He...
Read full storyIndians caught peeing in public will be shamed on You Tube!
The local Indian government of Rajasthan are going on the warpath hoping to stop their inhabitants peeing and defecating in public, which can be very difficult especially as only a few of them possess a toilet! One of the tactics being used is to...
Read full storyThe Conman Commeth
A notorious Bristol conman has been targeting reality TV stars in a bid to fleece them of their hard "earned" cash. Among the stars targeted by Selva Carmichael (who, in all fairness to the guy, does sound like the financial advisor to Silvio Berlusc...
Read full storyU.S. Magazines Announce Their Endorsement For President
FAMOUS MAGAZINES MAKE THEIR PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS. Rolling Stone- "Jerry Garcia Man! He'd make the bitchiness President ever! Wait, what do you mean he's dead?" Playboy- "Bill Clinton! We'd be able to make a lot of copy if he were back in the saddle!" Cosmopolitan- "Sarah Palin! What a hot cover we'd have if she were elected! And the sexy articles we could write." Sports Il...
Read full storyNASA 'saw Comet bankruptcy' months ago
London - A US Jet Convulsion Laboratory analyst first signalled the Comet break-up last April when debris from its crumbling nucleus briefly blacked-out the International Space Station's roving telescope. "It was always a borderline pie-in-the-sky...
Read full storyFart Emissions Offsetting Scheme Launched
A radical fart emissions offsetting scheme was launched yesterday in central London by Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg and Education Minister Michael Gove. The prevention of fart fouling trading scheme or PFFTS was introduced to reduce fart emiss...
Read full storyJoe Biden on karmic 'Liverpool Care Pathway' say stargazers
Washington - Capitol Hill astrologers are piling on the misery as a series of strategic zodiac aspects continues to blight Vice President Biden's natal chart. "We see him on the karmic equivalent of the Brits' controversial Liverpool Care Pathway,...
Read full storyBig Bird leads junta: seizes USA! Elections cancelled
WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) - The United States of America is now under the military control of Muppets from the Children's Television Workshop. Muppet Military Command (MMC) first occupied the Pentagon and took firm control over all US military forces i...
Read full storyThe truth is out there - or rather it isn't!
UFO nuts are seemingly seeing the light of day and slowly realising that aliens do not exist after all. Association for the Scientific Study of Anomalous Phenomena (Assap), has reported a 96% drop in UFO sightings since 1988. Of those sightings 98...
Read full storyAustralia To Aid America
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States has decided that it will not be asking the Republic of China for another loan. Federal financial experts have stated that the United States already owes the Republic of China $1.15 billion. They stated that...
Read full storyTim Tebow Could Be Heading To The Dallas Cowboys
DALLAS - One thing that can certainly be said about the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones is that he is one shrewd businessman. He built the $1 billion Cowboys Stadium and says that he figures that it can be paid off within 13 months; which...
Read full storyMitt Romney Answers The Food Stamp Question
TOLEDO, Ohio - Most of the political media realizes that the GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney talks a lot about the middle class and about poor people but he really does not know very many people in either group. Political Salad Bar Magazine...
Read full storyA-Rod May Soon Become A Houston Astro
NEW YORK CITY - Alex Rodriguez, who is the highest paid athlete in professional sports, at $30 million per year has expressed a desire to leave the New York Yankees. A-Rod, who had a horrible post season managing to bat a lowly .133 recently talke...
Read full storyPandemonium in The House of Commons
Earlier today a near riot broke out in the House of Commons. Pandemonium was unleashed when MP for Paddington North, Rory O'Hare, tabled a motion that sought to prevent Freemasons from standing for political office. O'Hare made the proposal on the...
Read full storyThe 'Understand Women App' For Men
Men, do you have no idea what women are saying to you? Not a substantive clue what they really mean or feel? Well try Russ's new "Hologram White Caption Bubble" App for your smart phone. When your lady is speaking in that unintelligible language of h...
Read full story