Charlie Sheen To Angus T. Jones: What The Hell Are You Doing Kid?
LOS ANGELES - In a move that can only be described as indescribable, Angus T. Jones, who has portrayed Jake Harper on the sit-com Two and A Half Men for 10 years, has just bitten the hand that feeds him and feeds him well. The 19-year-old made a v...
Read full story"Two and a half men" is filth claims Charlie Sheen's ex-nephew!
Charlie Sheen's born again ex-Christian nephew and recently adopted nephew of Ashton Kutcher has claimed that "Two and a half men" is filth and should only be watched by devil worshippers and men who like Kutchers half-naked one-night stands! Angu...
Read full storyWednesday's Split Beaver Full Moon causing mayhem among Hollywood Z-Listers
Hollywood, Ca - Known by its folklore name of The Beaver tomorrow's eclipsed Gemini Full Moon is causing havoc among Hollywood celebs who flock regularly to Prof Einstein Flintstone's therapisst's couch. "Should have called it the Split Beaver Fo...
Read full storyH&R Block Offers Tips To Victims Of Sandy: Be More Absorbent!
Not wanting to come in second place to Hurricane Sandy in terms of financial ruination and victimization of the down-trodden, tax-hiccup H&R Block begins its two-pronged ritualized cozening of its clients with Emerald Advance AND their latest edu...
Read full storyJesus wept: 'Obama is our Lord and Savior, and then some' says Jamie Foxx
LOS ANGELES, California (ABSNN) - Comedian Jamie Foxx joined a long line of African-Americans who have deified leaders of color, like Harriet Tubman and Martin Luther King Jr., when he told the audience at the Soul Train Music Awards "It's almost lik...
Read full storyOlly Murs Named As New Bank Of England Governor
After months of speculation the identity of the next governor of the Bank of England has been revealed as Olly Murs. George Osborne stunned the city by announcing that Olly Murs, the runner-up in the sixth series of The X Factor in 2009, will repl...
Read full storyKaty Perry's Friends Warn Her: Stay Away From "Player" Mayer
BEVERLY HILLS - Katy Perry and her smug boyfriend of four months John Mayer have been seen house hunting in the L.A. area. The 28-year-old Perry has fallen head-over-heels for the man known as "Player" Mayer. John has a history of being the Lef...
Read full storyJoey Barton: Maybe I'm Too Clever To Be A Footballer
Former Manchester City and Newcastle United player Joey Barton is already big news in France following his first match in Marseille colours. He joined them from Queens Park Rangers in a bid to rebuild his tarnished reputation as the maddest footba...
Read full storyTexas Secession a recession beater for Bumper Sticker Vendors
ASININE, Texas (ABSNN) - Deep in the heart of this tiny west Texas town is the epicenter of the Texas Secession Movement. In an old, deserted looking storefront, on an equally deserted Main Street, a silk screen print shop company is working three s...
Read full storyThe Steven Tyler - Nicki Minaj Feud Erupts!
NEW YORK CITY - Steven Tyler insists that he left American Idol on his own volition and that he was not forced out as new American Idol judge Nicki Minaj has erroneously stated. He went on to say that he cannot believe that the AI producers chose...
Read full storyHelen Flanagan Pouts Her Way Out Of The Jungle
Former Coronation Street star Helen Flanagan has become the latest celebrity to be voted off ITV's 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!' Upon her departure most of the remaining celebrities seemed genuinely sorry that she'd gone, except for former...
Read full storyKourtney Kardashian Feels Ignored
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - It is very difficult to come across an entertainment publication or watch an entertainment news program and not read or hear the name Kardashian. Kim and her current boyfriend Kanye "The Pest" West seem to spend a lot of their ti...
Read full storyMy life as a man #33
The end of men is near Listen up, men: the last US election proved very clearly that women aren't going to put up with any more bullshit from men. Not only are there more women than men voting nowadays; but more women are voting for what they want than for what we men want them to want. I know I had a point to make, and that I have muddled it up, but you guys know what I mean already, w...
Read full storyNational Championship Game to Host More Fake Irishmen than St. Patrick's Day
SOUTH BEND, IN-A report released today by Harris Polls concluded that the number of people claiming allegiance to Notre Dame football has quadrupled since the school earned a berth in the BCS National Championship Game. The survey is the largest...
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