Meat eaters lie, are sex mad and need prostitutes!
Indian vegetarians have discovered that since McDonalds opened a chain of veggy restaurants in the country sex crimes have been reduced by 25% and men lying to their wives has radically been reduced by 50%! Non-consumption of meat products tends t...
Read full storyDoper's request for 'one more joint' lands him in the joint
CINCINNATI, Ohio (ABSNN) - A convicted pot smoker's request to smoke "one more joint before quitting," landed him in the joint after an Ohio judge "was astonished by his request." Damaine Mitchell, 19, was sentenced to prison by Hamilton County...
Read full storySFA search for Miracle Worker
Craig Levein's sacking as Scotland manager has set in motion the search for a new man to blame for an average group of players. As yet the SFA search has yielded, ironically enough, SFA. Gordon Strachan is the early frontrunner for the job and is...
Read full storyHostess Tells American Court Sno Balls Chance in Hell on the Heels of Hurricane Sandy
The US economy, only now beginning to recover from the devastation of Hurricane Sandy, was dealt another financial tsunami this morning when Hostess CEO, Gregory Rayburn announced that Irving Texas based Hostess has filed a motion with the U.S. Bankr...
Read full storyThe Last Links To Cancer
A new study has studied that smacking can lead to cancer! Shock and horror would be two of the emotions Back and to the Left news would be feeling if we could indeed feel human emotions anymore. But with scientists discovering a link between cancer a...
Read full storyPattinson cousin is only man in America who has never seen the Twilight Saga
LANCASTER COUNTY, Pennsylvania (ABSNN) - A vast number of the farms in this Pennsylvania county have no electricity, no televisions, no telephones, no motor vehicles, no Honey Boo Boo. They are Amish folk, and yet, even the Amish know of the Twiligh...
Read full storyWorlds Biggest Liar Contest Cancelled! Not!
A pub in Cumbria has just hosted the "Worlds biggest Liar" competition. A strange time in the world of professional lying was reflected in the turnout for the competition, with none of the pre tournament favourites bothering to turn up. Nick Cleg...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Suffers Choking Embarrassment
Manchester United and England star Wayne Rooney is facing a night in hospital after choking on a dismantled Rubik's Cube at his Cheshire home. Speaking from outside the People's Dispensary for Sick Animals (PDSA) in Warrington where Rooney is recu...
Read full storyVoters defend role in election fiasco
Voters were this afternoon defending the controversial decision to ignore elections for new Police and Crime Commissioners. With turnout at 18% and expected to be the lowest ever in a British election, voters were particularly critical of the lack o...
Read full storyThe twinkeling out of Hostess Twinkies and Wonder Bread
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Hostess Brands, the bakers of Wonder Bread, Ho Hos and Twinkies, announced today it will shut down its remaining two plants due to a strike that crippled its operations. Although the company will cease operations, Twinkies ha...
Read full storyBrits to Send Qatada to Mars
In a shocking announcement, the UK Government has revealed its plans to 'kill 2 birds with one stone' as plans to combine solving the controversial issue of Abu Qatada, with the development of a UK Space Programme. USA (The UK Space Agency) had be...
Read full storyObama Wins Angriest Man Prize
David Lynch, creator of the cult-hit comic strip, The Angriest Dog in the World, announced yesterday that President Obama has won the annual Angriest Man in the World award for threatening to punch out John McCain behind the White House utility shed.
Read full storyKing warns of 'triple-dip'
A grossly overweight island ruler has warned nearby islands in the South Pacific that he is thinking of plunging into the sea three times this weekend. King Blubbablubba is King of Splishisplashi - a tiny island half-way between the Philippines an...
Read full storyThe Behind-The-Scenes Story of The NASCAR Feud Between Jeff Gordon and Clint Bowyer
ATLANTA - NASCAR vice-president of Oil Changes Clyde P. Duckmeister, was asked to comment on the recent unfortunate incident which occurred in Phoenix at the Phoenix International Raceway in which Jeff Gordon purposely drove his number 24 car into Cl...
Read full storyJudge Orders Feminist to Wear 'Idiot' Sign
A feminist caught on camera driving on a pavement to avoid a school bus unloading small, defenseless children will have to stand at a crossroads wearing a sign describing herself as an idiot. Her car had 100 stickers with misandrist statements ag...
Read full storyNorthern Floridians Await Circumcision
Tallahasee - Now that election officials have finally tallied up the votes from yet another tangled mess of a Presidential election in the sunshine state, it has left many residents in the nation's most phallic-like state feeling rather… limp. Wit...
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