Recent scare stories about the imminent arid conditions to affect Southern England may be false - according to Wiltshire plumber, Tommy Gripefuttock.
"Hosepipe ban - fuck off", expostulates Tommy.
Mr Gripefuttock explains thus - "The aquifers are dried up - OK? So where did the water go?"
"The aquifers are underground, yeah? And so are the water mains, yeah?
It takes years for the water from rain to reach the aquifers - but water from deep down from where the mains are is getting there in about 14 days!
According to the water companies, 45 billion litres of water leak from the mains every day and this is enough to flood Stamford Bridge twice every Saturday.
So where is all this water going?
Into the pockets of the water companies' chief executives"!
Mr Gripefuttock's logic is undeniable and begs the question -
Where has the leaked water gone - the public demands to know!
