Pippa Middleton's Arse Signed Up For New ITV 2 Show
Derrière of dreams, Pippa Middleton's arse, was said this evening to be celebrating after having landed itself a lucrative new deal, in what's rumoured to be a seven figure sum with the total dross TV channel ITV 2. The bountiful bum-hole is beli...
Read full storyDorking News: More (One, Actually) Letters To The Editor About History
Dear Sir, I am writing in the hope that any of your readership may have a care for our lost histories. You see, I live here in Broadwoodwidger and am researching the lives of our ancestor, Edwin Puley, who was a Cheesewright and Noddler, and indeed served his time in your very environment before ending his days as a Master Cheesewright and Chief Noddler back here in Devon. I visited your...
Read full storySecond U.S. Civil War Divides Nation Into Two Parts- Conservatives vs. Liberals
NEWS OF THE FUTURE- April, 2018 - Many changes have come to America in the years since the second Civil War in 2017. As you well know the increasing partisan tensions between the Democrats and Republicans, brewing in intensity for the last 50 year...
Read full storyDorking woman calls mountain rescue after a handbag explosion
Mum of four, Matilda Entwistle, from Station Road in Dorking*, had to be rescued by three fire engines, fourteen police officers and the entire mountain rescue team from Snowdon, flown in especially on a coastguard Sea King helicopter (pictured).
Read full storyAmericans Anxiously Await Matt Damon's Views on Wall Street Abuses and Economy
Many people, including politicians Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, author/activists Charles Ferguson and Noam Chomsky, and economists Larry Summers and Raghuram Rajan, have weighed in on (or denied) the fraud, political manipulations and criminal wrong...
Read full storySurrealism is the new realism
They say there are three kinds of people. They also say there are five kinds of people, two kinds of people, ten kinds of people and pi kinds of people; there are actually seven billion kinds of people. The latest output from the bakery attached to t...
Read full storyMelton Mowbray To Sue The World
The small Leicestershire town of Melton Mowbray issued a high court injunction "against the rest of the world", earlier today. The writ, believed to be a bid to downplay the often quoted concept that The Moon is made of cheese. In a statem...
Read full storyFury at Long Wait in Checkout Line
Furious shoppers in Boca Raton Florida have demanded an explanation as to why they had to wait four minutes in line at a local "up market" grocery store - some even describing the experience as "horrific". The Fresh Market grocery store pride...
Read full storyFire destroys bubble factory
A large fire yesterday at Donkeystones Mill in Dobcross, Oldham, has destroyed one of the area's oldest engineering companies. Ezra Postlethwaite & Sons, who have operated at the mill since 1895, were the only factory left in Britain still pr...
Read full storyObama Orders Americans to Stop Droning On and On about Drones
President Barack Obama is personally responsible for managing a "kill list" of people targeted for assassination by the American government - no small task. In addition, it's Obama's job to personally approve any additions to the list. At a pres...
Read full storyBalotelli admits; "I am a genius; Dickhead!"
It is now official, Italian soccer star, Mario Balotelli, who does nothing apart from sitting on the bench when others are winning titles, chasing porno / striptease stars in front of the paparazzii and flashing his mega-bucks all over Manchester, am...
Read full storyCharlie the Radioactive Tuna Causes Child Thyroid Cancer Sorry
In 2008 Del Monte sold StarKist Tuna to South Korean food giant the Dongwon Corporation which exports tuna to the United States and the world. According to the Supreme Court of the United States of America and Mitt Romney corporations are people. Can...
Read full storyNew Titles You're Not Likely to See
"FROM THE GRIMM WORLD COLLECTION" The Little Blowout Preventer That Couldn't. The Brave Captain of the Exxon Valdez. Hillary Hears a "Hunh?" Green Cigs and Spam Oh, the People You'll Fight ! One State Two State - Red State Blue State. Where is Barack's Bellybutton? The Fat Cat in the Brass Hat How the Grinch Stole Congress. On the Night You Were Had. Mitt and the Giant Pork. The Sw...
Read full storyMitt Romney Says If He's Elected President He Will Invade North Korea
KEYSTONE, South Dakota - Willard Mitt Romney stood in front of Mount Rushmore in the Black Hills of South Dakota talking to a crowd estimated to be between 180 and 192 people. He told the people that he wants their vote so that he can move from hi...
Read full storyQueen's Diamond Jubilee 'as big a hoax as the Hitler Diaries'
London - It's a script crafted by descendants of Oswald Mosley's Blackshirt Fascists who doshed up plonkers in the Coalition Cabinet. Today a former Hellfire Club treasurer described the Jubilee plot as daft and corrupt as the faux memoirs of Quee...
Read full storyW32.Flamer worm 'created by moonlighting spooks like cryptographer Gareth Williams' - report
London - The former MI6 cryptographer has been identified with a sophisticated cyber worm that targeted the Iran Petroleum ministry and its oleaginous terminals. A secret report into surreptitious palm-greasing says key signatures of the W32.Flam...
Read full storyBoston Celtics: Groundhogs and Underdogs
In Groundhog Day, as Bill Murray learned in the classic film, every day you face the same problem. That vile little rodent may be tormenting the Boston Celtics too. Only now he plays for the Miami Heat. Nowadays every morning they awake, the Ce...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Starting the week
Dear Constituents I have had a most hectic weekend. Saturday morning saw me having to get up at the crack of dawn to attend the local Farmers market where I was booked to stand behind a rickety decorators table covered with a cloth to support the RSPCA. Why these country people get up so early on a Saturday I don't know. Neither do I understand why some people prefer things covered in fur...
Read full storyThe U.S. legal system is harming Americans said Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga is standing up for one of her fans who she wants to vindicate in the light of the truth. A student in Texas, who is a fan of Lady Gaga, with no criminal record and who is also an honor student was thrown in jail by a mildly, retarded jud...
Read full storyGordon Ramsay Star of The Reality Show "Hell's Kitchen" Injured During A Charity Soccer Match In Manchester, England
MANCHESTER, England - Chef Gordon Ramsay, host of the reality show Hell's Kitchen, is probably one of the most hated individuals on American television. The arrogantly sarcastic-as-hell star of the reality cooking show, participated in a charity s...
Read full storyChef Gordon Ramsay Filleted By British Pensioner Teddy Sheringham During Charity Soccer Match: American Interest In Game Piques. For Ten Minutes.
Gordon Ramsay Filleted During Charity Soccer Match: American Interest In Game Piques. For Ten Minutes. Americans got two special treats this Memorial Day: a paid day off to drink, barbeque, drink, hang with friends and family, drink, honor our fa...
Read full storyA Photographer Claims Justin Bieber Attacked Him - Bieber Denies It, The Photographer Has Gone Into Hiding
CALABASAS, California - Justin Bieber and his girlfriend Selena Gomez were spotted at The Woody Woodpecker Shopping Mall in Calabasas. According to Tahiti Zeppelin with Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres, the couple had just come out of The Santa Ana Winds...
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