Apple Inc. May Invest in Twitter; Twitter Birdies Elated
When news broke this week that Apple Inc. is reportedly interested in investing in Twitter, the Twitter birdies were on a high. They stopped delivering tweets for a few minutes to celebrate. "We couldn't be happier," chirped one of the birdies.
Read full storyWarnings as 5,000 police officers are cut in a year
Annual inspections of police forces reveal that more than 5,000 policemen have had cuts on their faces. Although some are signs of knife attacks, the vast majority are simply the results of shaving accidents. Most cuts were observed in Derbyshi...
Read full storyPluto...a planet again?
Two years after being demoted to the status of "interesting asteroid" Pluto may regain the title of planet after a fourth moon was found orbiting the distant object. Pluto was not spotted until 1921, and was thought to be planet sized due to it's...
Read full storyNew Greek ruins opening to the international community
Athens Greece - According to our source, Mr. Pimpleonizbuto, curator, the ruins of ancient Greece have been supplanted with the ruins of modern Greece. The new ruins are available for international touring now. Unlike the ancient ruins of Greec...
Read full storyUFOs Invade Olympic Opening Ceremony
Five ring-shaped flying saucers ominously lingered over Olympic Stadium in London during opening ceremonies of the 2012 Olympic Games. "When I saw the flying saucers and a beam of light came out of the sky, I thought I was witnessing the apocalyps...
Read full storyWhereabouts of chimneys from Olympics opening ceremony confirmed
Having just recovered from his and Mr Grenouille's extensively boring speeches at the grand opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympics, Lord Seb Coe, the Chairman of the Olympics, queried some of the volunteer staff as to where the 6 chimneys used...
Read full storyPeter Piper Prosecuted for Pottying Publicly in Plastic Pumpkin Pail
"When you gotta go, you gotta go," was Peter Piper's only defense to accusations that he pooped in public in a plastic pumpkin pail. Piper has previous prosecutions for peeing in public (after drinking excessively to cool his mouth after eating pe...
Read full story'Long cues' warning as 10,000 head for tournament
Thousands of people competing in this weekend's snooker tournament at Sheffield Crucible are being told they face a public transport ordeal. Heavy crowds are heading to Sheffield bus station where long queues are expected. Most of these snooker pl...
Read full storyLondon 2012 Olympic Opening Ceremony Exposes Non-existent Countries
The international community is trying to come to terms with the shock revelation that some countries with which nations have links, simply do not exist. Two hundred and four countries were represented at the opening ceremony of London 2012, and it...
Read full storyAspartame resolves corn shortage
Fort Detrick, MD - According to scientist Dr. Orncay Olehay, a drought ready strain of corn has been developed that requires less water to grow. The recent devastating drought in the corn belt of the USA inspired this invention. The new corn prod...
Read full storyRomney to Queen: "Do you smell something?!"
The Associated Press is reporting this morning that presidential candidate Mitt Romney did it again yesterday and one more time, "stepped in it," as the report states. After a disastrous start in the morning when he criticized the British preparatio...
Read full storyMy Week by Usain Bolt (as imagined by David Sapsted)
SATURDAY, JULY 28: Absolutely exhausted! Had to carry the Jamaican flag halfway round the stadium at the Olympics opening ceremony last night. Never knew that travelling 200 metres could be so exhausting. Poked myself in the groin with the flag pole when I tried, unsuccessfully, to strike my Lightning Bolt pose, as requested by my Canadian sponsors, Lightning Rotors Inc. The Arctic Monkeys perform...
Read full storyWally the Green Monster Abduction Off the Wall
When Wally the Green Monster was reported missing on a warm Saturday afternoon while the Red Sox went out of town on a trip to the Big Apple, the Sox began to reveal the behind-the-scenes life of a team mascot. Was it an escape? or a hostage situa...
Read full storyIrish Republican Army Mortally Wounded By Change In Electoral Law
Ireland's peak terrorist organisation, the Irish Republican Army, has been severely damaged by recent changes in the country's electoral laws. The Irish parliament, this week, passed an amendment to electoral laws, removing state funding from poli...
Read full storyJailed American Comedians Escape During Olympics
London - Two imprisoned comedic actors escaped today amid the confusion of the summer Olympics. The two Americans, actors Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder, had been imprisoned in Buckingham Palace over two decades ago by Prince William, who lovingly...
Read full storyBritish decide to stop moaning about the Olympics after Mitt Romney criticizes them
The British people had a dramatic change of heart last night and suddenly got behind the Olympic Games being hosted in the East of London. The incredible u-turn came after American Presidential candidate Mitt Romney questioned whether Britain was...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Rear-Ends Another Vehicle
BEVERLY HILLS - Lindsay Lohan is quickly running out of chances. The Hollywood celebutante had gone shopping at the trendy Chanel #7 Store on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. Afterwards she got in her late model Porsche Panamera and proceeded to driv...
Read full storyNHS To Begin Farming Donor Organs
The NHS has announced a major shake-up in its approach to increasing the supply of available donor organs for transplant. Dr Albert Spleen, head of the NHS Transplant Authority, told us "We have been wrestling with this problem for years. The numb...
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