The 'Miss Havisham's Curtains' look for daft Kate at Spielberg premiere
London - Togged out in classic psychotic dowager mode tonight her $5,000 designer gown looked cobbled together as if for some sadass mortuary fête. A whiteish under-dress of clinging, swooshy material made the dark outer lace dress seem like some...
Read full storyOffice Intersection to Sell Mace and Ninja Weapons
Office Intersection, a major big box office supply retailer, announced this week that they will begin selling mace due to the increase in popularity of using the spray to settling arguments, get the toy you want, or if you just don't like the way som...
Read full storyMoney for old rope as Kate and Wills cash in on War Horse premiere
London - Ten grand a ticket to hobnob with the dreadful faux royals at a lavish post-premiere bash has been slammed as a disgusting lapse of taste. The dosh is being paid into a slush fund called the Foundation of Prince William and Prince Harry t...
Read full story'Reverse Bonus Checks' Drain Wall Street Bank Accounts
New York -- The global economic crisis has finally caught up with Wall Street insiders who triggered it. They are discovering that their traditional year-end compensation is lowering the balance on their bank accounts, rather than raising it. "The...
Read full storyMissing millions explained: the Blairs paid Kate Middleton's £££s dowry
London - Documents seen by the usual sources show Little Miss Bigamist's bride price matches the mystery £8 million 'admin fees' charged by Tony Blair's WindBush Ventures Corp. The dosh was demanded by Queen Elizabeth when she found out Kate Middl...
Read full storyPie And Pizza Diet Named 'World's Worst Ever'
The International Federation Of Dieticians today named The Pie And Pizza Diet the worst in the world - ever. The diet, brainchild of Professor KFC McDonald of Sunderland College Of Arts And Technology was universally acknowledged as being utterly...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Paul Scholes comes out of retirement for Manchester United
Following a traumatic first half of the season which saw Manchester United crash out of the Champions League and Carling Cup, the red devils announced that Paul Scholes has come out of retirement after just six months to answer the Old Trafford SOS -...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Berlusconi promises to make Carlos Tevez the best 'player' in the world
Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has promised that he will make Carlos Tevez the best 'player' in the world if he joins the Italian football chumpions AC Milan. 'Bunga-sconi' as he is now known after leaving office, promised Tevez t...
Read full storyDavid Cameron declares multi-culti behaviour a crime!
David Cameron has declared multi-culti behaviour a crime and has promised the UK that new legislation will be introduced to stop this unacceptable behaviour. "The mixing of different racial, minority, ethnical groups has completely failed (apart f...
Read full storyScientific Study Finds That People Lose Their Marbles At Forty!
A recent scientific study to determine the age when the human brain starts to show a significant decline in it's reasoning powers has found that it's no later than forty. This is much earlier than was determined by a different team of scientists in 2...
Read full storyMadonna Says That Angelina Jolie Is Too Old To Be Getting Pregnant
NEW YORK CITY - Madonna who has a storied history of getting into feuds with other celebrities has added a new one to her list of feud participants. The 53-year-old songstress recently remarked that Angelina Jolie, who has just announced her pregn...
Read full storyNuclear war would help reduce world's carbon footprint
A controversial report has been released by the Party Responsible for Engineering Propaganda about Universal Carbon Emissions (PREPUCE). The report suggests that a nuclear war would significantly reduce the world's carbon footprint. The shadowy or...
Read full storyDonald Trump Announces The 18 Celebrities For Season Five of Celebrity Apprentice
MANHATTAN - Donald Trump, the man who has threatened to run for president at least seven times within the past six months has just announced the list of 18 celebrities who will be appearing on the next edition of his show Celebrity Apprentice. The...
Read full storyItalians and Mimes Most Prone to Gesticular Cancer
A newly published study in medical journal The Lancelot reveals that Italian males are 60% more likely to suffer from gesticular cancer than any other national group. The condition was also found to be more prevalent in regions with Italian immigrat...
Read full storyAliens Flatly Refuse To Probe Dover Woman
The Ministry Of Defence has just released details of a close encounter of the third kind, in Dover, Kent, during which Aliens flatly refused to probe a local woman, and threatened to go on strike if their intergalactic overlords attempted to force th...
Read full storyLocal Man Ecstatic At Winning 5,000 Pints
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, celebrated late into the night this morning as he was informed that he'd won third prize in a prestigious writing tournament yesterday for the Spoof dot com, the internet's leading satire site and refuge for life's waif...
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