Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has promised that he will make Carlos Tevez the best 'player' in the world if he joins the Italian football chumpions AC Milan.
'Bunga-sconi' as he is now known after leaving office, promised Tevez the 'best parties in the world' every night where girls don't care how old you are, how disgusting or how ugly, just how rich powerful and important you are. Recent guests at the parties are rumoured to have included totally innocent Amanda Knox (unless you read the Daily Mail website for your breaking news) totally axed X Factor contestant Frankie Cocozza and Michael Barrymore.
Tevez, currently in limbo and eating jumbo sized sausages in Argentina after refusing to warm up for Manchester City against Bayern Munich in the Champions League, is thought to want away from Manchester as it is known to rain on every second Tuesday in the city. The plucky Argentine spends most of his weekly £250,000 salary on face cream, roll neck jumpers and legal action against Graeme Sour'ness who called him a 'suff american numptie'
Tevez is 27, married with two children, pug ugly, speaks no English or Mancunian and is 34.7 owned by the soul of Kia Joorabchian.
